BC Poly Blog

Sims Threatens Google and Poly - Sesame Street Fights Back

2006-10-28T09:18:00.000-07:00

"You mess with the birds you mess with us" is the new rallying cry coming from one of the - formally - quietest and happiest addresses in all of PBS. That's right, Sesame Street is going hardcore.

"When we read the headline in the Vancouver Province we could not believe our permanently opened eyes," spokesperson Bert exclaimed.

And what was that headline? Why it was, "Sims, BCTF sue Google over comments in blog about B.C. politics." And what blog was that? Well, allegedly, this intrepid Poly.

Upon hearing the news that Google (Motto: You can search for things other than porn, you know!) and Poly were facing some of the same bullying tactics used on teachers earlier this year in Nicola Valley, the citizens of Sesame Street decided to fight back in the name of Big Bird and Poly.

"Me want justice for birds - and cookie - but justice first!", Cookie Monster declared. "Me want justice!"

In the statement of claim filed in B.C. Supreme Court, Jinny Sims, President of the British Columbia Teachers' Federation (BCTF) indicates she "...did not kidnap beloved Sesame Street character Big Bird and threaten to kill him/her in response to the Functional Skills Assessment test." Interesting to note, Big Bird could not be found for comment.

"Elmo knows what she says," annoying merchandising whore Elmo squeaked. "But Elmo see the pictures and Elmo knows that Photoshopped pictures on the Internet don't lie. She just don't like birds. She's a birdist."

This leads to the question of why does Sims and the BCTF have such a full, throbbing, raging hate on for Big Bird and in turn, this intrepid Poly? For this answer we turned to our usual BCTF contact, Ms. N. Joy Spankalotti.

"Ms. Sims does not hate birds," Spankalotti retorted, "She just hates conflicting verbal and written expressions which differ from her BCTF driven rhetoric. And bocce ball. She REALLY hates bocce ball."

At least one pundit is speculating that this lawsuit is in retaliation for Poly leaking the BCTF strike plan memo - a memo which received quite a bit of press and forced the BCTF to explain why they were making such plans during contract negotiations. This is similar to the defamation suit the BCTF filed against Premier Campbell in May 2005, which went nowhere.

"Silence!", Spankalotti shrieked. "If Google knows what's good for them they will obey Jinny and answer our claims!"

As of this writing, Google has not filed a statement of defense or even acknowledged the suit.

"Hehehehehe, and why should they?", Sesame Street uprising mastermind Ernie asked. "This lawsuit is without merit. In fact, it's crap. Hehehehehe"

"Oh, it's "crap" is it pumpkin head?", Spankalotti spat, "Well, you BETTER NOT post a list of easy to click on links to the allegedly offending stories which let people see the humourous and satirical nature of the posts mixed with links to source material confirming the underlying truths to which Jinny is claiming to be offensive. Now THAT would be crap!"

"Like this?", Ernie asked innocently.

PIMP My Union
BCTF To Teachers: "We Make More $$$ Than You!"
Tests R Stoopid
Jinny Simprano and the BCTF - a mob story
Carole's Unions of ODDS
"Stop the tests - or the bird gets it!" - Jinny Sims
The Denial of Service Code
BCTF Memos Show $$$ More Important Than Students
From the Desk of Edward Itorial - My First Post
BREAKING NEWS - BCTF Votes to Strike
When An Osoyoos Teacher Attacks / What the BCTF Does NOT Want You To Do
BCTF STRIKE II: $$$ Before Education
From the Desk of Edward Itorial - Review of the Past Few Weeks
Look! Up in the sky! It's a bird! It's a plane! Nah...it's just Jinny whining
From the Desk of Edward Itorial - Never Mind the Posturing...Here's the Signing Deadline
BREAKING NEWS - BCTF Settle Contract Before Deadline

"Exactly."

Shanghai Screwed - Mike and Jenny, Business Experts?

2006-07-27T06:21:00.001-07:00

When is a foreign trade mission not a foreign trade mission? When the NDP heads it up of course!

It seems that NDP leader in waiting Mike "A Heartbeat Away" Farnworth and fellow Dipper, the Economic Critic, Jenny "Show Me Da Money" Kwan are away on a China trade mission. In fact, this intrepid Poly has learned from our operatives living in China that Farnworth and Kwan are visiting Guangdong, Shanghai and Hong Kong to "...promote BC business opportunities and...to open a BC Trade Office."

So let's see...the two Dippers who were around during such great 1990's business lessons as "buy high and sell low" (fast ferries); do not invest in nursing school positions; high unemployment and a poor economy stimulates growth; giving your friends Casino licenses creates jobs; and a fudge-it budget is a tasty delight, are now representing the needs of BC business overseas?! What's next, Adrian Dix giving ethics lessons?

The Guangdong visit is being co-ordinated by Mr. Zhenghua Li, Director of the International Relations Office of the Guangdong Provincial Government. While there, our (snicker) "NDP business experts" (snicker) met with Mr. Li and Ms. Wan Wang of the International Office of Guangdong Province. However, they we unable to meet with the Governor or Vice-Governor Tang Bing Quan as they were tipped off that Mike and Jenny were NOT there on official BC Government business. Our operatives have told us, now that the two Dippers have been outed, they will have problems in their upcoming Shanghai and Hong Kong meetings. Tisk, tisk.

Perhaps the folks in China remembered that when the REAL Minister of Economic Development, Colin Hansen, had already visited Asia from May 19th to June 4th he had a better understanding of economics and business development than our Dipper twosome. Mostly because Hansen was not referring to a copy of "Business for Dummies". To say that the Chinese officials are upset that the NDP reps have no ability to establish trade or set up a "BC Trade Office" and are really just wasting everyone's time, is an understatement.

So if this trip is not official business of the BC Government - who is paying for this vacation to the Orient? Well, as of press time our collect calls to Mike and Jenny in China were not answered. However, our China contacts tell us that Chinese officials are actually learning a lot from Mike and Jenny - mostly by doing the very opposite of whatever they suggest.

Ralston's Financial Plan: 1 - Answer emails from Nigeria; 2 - Give them money; 3 - Profit!

2006-07-12T06:19:00.000-07:00

With British Columbia doing so well under the BC Liberal Government as can be seen with 1 00% of the public service contracts signed before the deadline (including one with the BCTF); our thriving economy and with the unemployment rate at a 31 year low (4.6%) it's hard to believe that financially, things could be better. But according to newly crowned NDP Finance Opposition Critic Bruce "The Evil Laugher" Ralston, he can make it better.

How you may ask? Our sources tell us he is using his overseas contacts to infuse over $100 million US into the coffers in Victoria. Which overseas contacts? Specifically, Nigeria.

"Yes indeed Brucey is on the ball with this one," Ralston spokesperson Mo T. Burn declared. "I have seen his plan and it is great! Simple and great...thus making it simply great!"

It seems that Ralston has received dozens of emails, commonly known as the "Nigerian Letter Scam", and believes this is the road to making those millions.

"Scam, what scam?", the Burnster asked excitedly. "Since Ralston was the former Chair and Board of Director with Vancity Credit Union he knows what he is doing. In fact, his being the BC NDP President during the 1990's means he is more than qualified to identify a scam, and this my friend, ain't no scam."

Ummm...interesting and somewhat impressive pedigree...and Ralston's background is kinda neat-o too...until you look a wee, bit closer.

"No...no need to look closer," Burn exclaimed. "Just know that his plan is great!"

Any-who, looking a wee bit closer, - it is hard to ignore that during Ralston's tenure with Vancity he voted in favour of spending $1 million of members' money without going to the members on the eve of the 2001 provincial election; allowed the BCGEU to unionize seven VanCity branches and the Citizens Bank; and gave $80,000 to the Centre for Policy Alternative.

"Well come on," an exasperated Burn spat. "What's wrong with any of that? Ralston doled out the $1 million just before the election, sucked up to his BCGEU friends, gave the cash to the NDP backed Centre for Policy Alternative because he had to. You also left out that he gave over NDP membership lists to the Credit Union to use for, well, whatever they wanted. You missed that one reporter bird."

Yes, Burn is right. Ralston did all that because...

"He was the BC NDP President at the time and during those good ol' days of the 1990's. Booya!", Burn cried.

It's true. But strange that Ralston's website does not list his Dipper Presidency in his bio. Something to hide? Either way, as Finance Critic, it does not make sense for Ralston to solicit funds via emails.

"It makes complete sense!", Burny countered. "Look, when my man Bruce donated funds to the BC Liberal Party while running as an NDP MLA - he was hedging his bet...very smart! Brucey also does not tolerate crap...he does not tolerate non NDP mental health advocates speaking at his events. Just read this copy I have here:

Perhaps the highlight of the night, in terms of the media, would be the drama that unfolded at the mike. Ralston had told the audience that the next in line to ask a question could not, because he was not an NDP member. The man, one Roderick Lewis, a mental health advocate, was asked to leave the mike but adamantly refused. At which point a loud and disruptive discussion erupted between Lewis and Ralston, by then all the four major TV outlets had their cameras descending on Lewis, and Ralston to avoid criticism, allowed Lewis to speak his mind. While Lewis was going on and on about his mental illness binge, NDP rank and file were berating and using expletives to try and drown out Lewis. It was a moment of high drama indeed, as I noticed the police at the doors to the auditorium.

Take THAT non Dipper man! And finally, when it was time for the B-Man to become MLA, he handpicked his friend Jeff Fox, the BCGEU Director of Organizing and Field Services to take over as President of the BC NDP so you know that Brucey knows how to take care of his union friends. In short, BR is a leader!"

Ok...but that still does not take away from the fact that the Nigerian letter scam is just that...a SCAM and does not show Mr. Ralston has any clue of what is involved with being financially responsible for the Province.

"No way! This is NOT a scam! As I said before, as the past President of the BC NDP during the 1990's, with everything he saw going on, Bruce would certainly know a scam!"

You would think so...thankfully, most BCers do.

Fish and Dips II - Oh, Those Sneaky Dippers!

2006-07-07T09:15:00.000-07:00

Our palatial BC Poly Blog office in the heart of Seattle, WA received dozens of phone calls, faxes and emails from angry Port McNeill, BC residents during the past week. It appears our favourite BC NDP MLAs Claire "Ducks and Fish Are Funny" Trevana and Gregor "Hey! Jesus Liked Fish - Maybe He'll Now Like Me!" Robertson are at it again and the Port McNeill-ites - or Rita MacNeils as our research department told me they are often referred to as - are not gonna take it...NO! They ain't gonna take it. They're not gonna take it anymore.

The Special Committee on Sustainable Aquaculture - Chaired by NDPer Robin "I'm Like a Bird" Austin and featuring six NDP and four BC Liberal MLAs - were scheduled to hold a series of public hearings and site visits throughout the North Island. Just hours before the June 27th public meeting in Port McNeill at the Community Hall (book your 2007 wedding NOW!) Claire privately requested of the Committee - well, just the NDP majority on the committee - that they do NOT visit the Englewood Packing facility scheduled for the next day. This is a plant with over 140 employees where they are running at a very high capacity processing "...in excess of 30 million pounds whole fish and 3.5 million pounds of fillets annually." The "committee" opted to visit the Pan Fish Alpha plant in Port Hardy - a plant 60 kilometres away and not in operation. One angry caller opined, "This is bullshit, they could have visited both plants easily."

So did the usually mild mannered Rita MacNeil-ites take this lying down? NO! Did these folks believe they were getting proper representation from their fashion Diva MLA Claire Trevana? NO! Does anyone in North America really understand the offside rule in World Cup soccer? NO!

When the Englewood people heard that their long scheduled meeting with the Committee was canceled, one on-looker described employees as "they were some pissed".

The floor production people organized themselves and when their shift was over at 5pm, more than sixty "some pissed", yet proud, Englewood employees traveled to the Port McNeill Community Hall and arranged a reception for Claire and company. The Englewood-ites wore their production smocks and aprons and had a large banner which read, "You wouldn't come to us so we came to you!" (see photo). The employees along with other angry folks surrounded the building and, as one on-looker wrote to this intrepid Poly, "...blocked the entrance to the community hall and confronted the committee members as they arrived." These mighty, mighty Rita McNeill-ites - much like their namesake - could not be moved.

When the Liberal representatives of the Committee arrived they were informed by the protestors that they would not be visiting the Englewood Plant the next morning. Upon hearing this news, the Liberal MLAs agreed to keep their promise and visit the plant. There was much elation as these MLAs entered the hall. Perhaps someone in the crowd yelled, "Hey! Thanks BC Liberal MLAs. Now I have a better understanding of how you were able to settle all the public service contracts before the deadlines including a fair agreement for our beloved teachers while making sure our economy is one of the best in Canada. Hey! Your reasoned approach to our problem today shows me how your Party - the BC Liberals - are way up in the polls and how your Government is like so totally awesome!" Yes, perhaps someone indeed yelled this out.

But now, the fun began.

Gregor "Hey! Is Aquaman Gonna Be On This Aquaculture Committee?" Robertson (admittedly, if Aquaman were on the Committee, that would be cool) tried to blend in the with crowd and sneak in the back door of the hall. When the protestors saw him and asked him why he was not going through the front door - where more protesters with signs and camera were stationed - he at first denied he was Gregor Robertson the MLA! Well, this makes sense. I mean, would YOU admit to being Gregor?

Claire then arrived late and it appeared she was going to run away as she and NDP "Leader" [sic.] Carole "I'm Against Farmed Fish Unless It Is Served At An NDP Fundraiser" James did at another fish related event in 2005. A source close to Claire shared that she arrived late in the hopes of avoiding the protesters - especially the ones holding anti-Claire signs (see photo). However, much like hoping the NDP would ask original questions during question period, this was not to be. When asked on the steps of the hall why she was not visiting the Englewood plant Claire mumbled something about scheduling problems. When the protestors suggested she was giving them the verbal equivalent of a falsified Adrian Dix memo, she stormed away into the hall where she was met with a chorus of boos from the crowd of 130.

But the protesters were to be victorious.

At the start of the meeting the pressure from the protestors forced the Chair, Robin Austin to say, "I would just like to begin by letting everybody know there has been a little controversy here in regards to us and our schedule tomorrow and our attempts to try and get to two sites that are very close to each other...what we will do tomorrow is that half our committee will come to see your operations and where you work, and the other half will go to the alpha plants...I want to put that out in the beginning so you know that we will be there to visit you tomorrow morning."

Victory for Englewood and the Rita MacNeil-ites as they cheered in delight.

Up, on the stage Claire looked pissed that she was caught shirking her responsibilities and busted for trying to sidetrack the Committee. A confused Gregor tried to consol her by saying, "Don't be sad, maybe Aquaman will be at the next meeting."

Ballad of the SS BC NDP

2006-07-04T10:51:00.000-07:00

What does Captain Edward John Smith, Captain Joseph Hazelwood and BC NDP Leader Carole James have in common? Why, they all were the captains of doomed ships.

"Arahhh, this is not a fair comparison," noted nautical expert, Captain Highliner declared. "I mean an iceberg and a reef off the coast of Alaska were not nearly as obvious as the events leading up to the Ipsos-Reid poll."

The doomed Titantic's hull only wished it could take as many hits the BC NDP have taken before sinking. Ever since the latest Ipsos-Reid poll came out last month showing the NDP's rating with the public sinking to 2001 levels, while the BC Liberals are approaching historic highs, the NDP have been stuck as to what to do. In fact, the NDP have been down right silent. Well, almost.

"Arahhh, that be true. You see Captain Carole James is now making important changes on the SS BC NDP.", Highliner said.

Really? Like changes in policy? Perhaps distancing themselves from their union puppet masters?

"Arahhh, no...nothing so time or effort consuming like that", Highliner scoffed. "Rather she's giving the preverbal deck chairs a healthy shuffle."

That's right. Without the Government shuffling their Cabinet Ministers, James has shuffled her "shadow cabinet" - without giving an explation. However, she did take the time to have this quote attributed to her. BTW - if you think the writing on this intrepid Poly is creative, check this out:

"The new critic assignments will build on our successes...Under my leadership, the NDP is putting forward a pro-growth agenda that benefits ordinary families and prepares BC for its competitive, global future."

Hahahahahahaha! "Under my leadership"? A "pro-growth agenda"? Oooh, boy. Has James finally lost it?

"Arahhh, quite possibly mate, quite possibly.", Highliner began. "When you are chasing the thing most elusive to ya, that thing can make you crazy in a Moby Dick kinda way."

So what is it that James is chasing?

"Legitimacy.", Highliner answered. "Arahhh, that and consistency, good questions in question period, some sound fiscal management, a team that supports her, not being compared to Finance Minster Carole Taylor, re-election, more support and money from unions,..."

Ok, I get it. But could the NDP not move in a positive direction by speaking on the big issues in our province? For example, the BCTF and Government agreed to a contract this past Friday, thus preventing a strike which would have kept our province's approximately five billion students (figure may be slightly off) out of the classroom, however nothing from the NDP - including their website.

"Arahhh, that's because Jinny Sims nor Vaughn Palmer ain't be telling them yet what to say," Highliner exclaimed. "'Cause the wrong word from the lips of James and that scurvy dog of a first mate, Mike Farnworth will be fixing for a mutiny!"

On the surface, it does not appear that merely moving her drowning MLAs from one position to another will be enough to save the NDP. In fact the biggest move could / should have been James stepping down as leader! So what is next?

"Arahhh, you have to know that James has a plan."

What would that be?

"She be planning on holding a team building exercise on board something called the Hindenburg."

We can only hope.

BREAKING NEWS - BCTF Settle Contract Before Deadline

2006-06-30T22:50:00.000-07:00

Amazing! I mean, just hours before the settlement was announced, BCTF President Jinny "Vader" Sims gleefully told reporters that she did not believe a compromise could be reached. So what happened? Well, we will have more on that story but the long and short of it is other folks on the bargaining team gave Jinny's big ol' basketball of a head a shake and away they went.

The teachers will receive a 16% increase over the next five years along with a signing bonus of $4,000 - up 8.1% or $300 from the original $3,700. This is great news for parents, students and teachers throughout the province and bad news for Jinny as she has fulfilled her "usefulness" for the next five years.

With this agreement in place it means the BC Government was able to sign 100% of the public service contracts before the deadlines meaning NO STRIKES! Premier Gordon "Threepeat" Campbell and Carole "For the love of God not James" Taylor are to be congratulated. Or ridiculed?...nah, I'll be good to them.

What do I think of the deal? I was hoping the BCTF would be as stupid as always and reject the deal. This makes my writing much, MUCH easier. Alas, this was not to be. What steams me most is that just this morning the head honcho of this intrepid Poly Blog, Edward "the Suck Up" Itorial wrote:

My opinion is that the offer which should be offered and accepted is 13% over four years or 17% over five years. This shows a give and take on both slides and guarantees labour peace and stability for our teachers, parents and students.

So what will happen? Hopefully both Sid (the Government) and Nancy (BCTF) can get this done before the deadline with a minimal amount of conflict and bloodshed. Unlike the real Sid and Nancy...and the past with the Government and BCTF.

This means Itorial was almost dead on with his analysis. @#$%.

The teachers will ratify this agreement faster than Jinny rushing to the front of a buffet line. For more views on this story, click the links below:

CKNW News - BCTF and Employers reach a deal
News 1130 - Teachers strike a deal
BCTF.ca - Lengthy negotiations result in teachers' settlement
BCTF.ca - Teachers achieve significant gains
BCPSEA website - Public School Employers and BC Teachers' Federation reach tentative deal
Province of BC - Five Year Agreement Reached For Teachers
Note from Carole Taylor - B.C.'s Neogotiating Framework - A Milestone In Labour Relations
Vancouver Sun - Teachers settle at last minute for 16% over 5 years
Vancouver Province - B.C. teachers reach deal, win bonus
Vancouver Province - B.C. teachers reach tentative agreement just under the wire
CBC - B.C. teachers reach deal as deadline looms

From the Desk of Edward Itorial - Never Mind the Posturing...Here's the Signing Deadline

2006-06-30T08:12:00.000-07:00

So here we are. Less than 18 hours remain in the negotiations between the BC Government and the BCTF. Only hours until we know if the teachers receive their signing bonus (around $3,700 each), a new contract with a minimum 10% raise over four years or if the BCTF have taken students, parents and teachers hostage for a second straight year.

Two parties who have never gotten along - the BCTF and ANY BC Government - are now down to the last hours to hammer out an agreement which will determine whether or not the children of BC will be in the classrooms come September. This co-dependant "Sid and Nancy" type of relationship on the whole is destructive but they keep coming back to each other. Why is this happening?

Greed.

The BCTF started out talking about "class size and composition"...so the Government introduced and passed Bill 33 on May 12th which even the BCTF acknowledged was as positive "...step towards this goal" of improving class size and composition. The Government post their offer of 8% over four years. However, on April 21st it was leaked to the media that Jinny and her group were looking for a 24% increase over three years. A contract which far exceed any other public service contract signed by the Government with every single public service union before the deadlines.

Around April 24th, the BCTF announce that the Foundation Skills Assessment (FSA) tests have a negative impact on students and teachers and even go so far as to produce a brochure to encourage parents to keep their children home during the eleven days of tests. Well, the tests went ahead without a single mortality.

On May 19th the BCTF announced they would be holding a strike vote on June 7th and 8th. What?! During negotiations this union who profess that "every kid counts" decide to hold a strike vote. This tells BC's parents and students that for the next three weeks the union is at the table negotiating in bad faith.

Over the next 10 days, this intrepid Poly is flooded with emails and faxes from teachers sharing stories of intimidation (union reps calling them on the cell phones and late at night at home reminding them of the upcoming vote) and the fact that they do not feel properly represented by the mob tactics of the BCTF.

May 31st sees the BCTF release a memo to the teachers (page 1 and page 2) which makes absolutely no mention of "class size and composition" and focuses exclusively on the demand of a 24% pay hike as is seen in the line "...salary increase is a high priority for BCTF members."

On June 1st, we publish a secret document from the BCTF outlining their strike plan. So to review, the BCTF are in negotiations for a better contract based on "class size and composition"; they ask for a 24% increase; and then while at the table, they take a strike vote after they have drawn up plans to go on strike in September.

In the days leading up to the strike vote, our airwaves and newspapers have ads from the BCTF asking for a "fair settlement". What does a fair settlement mean? Well, publicly the BCTF still talk about "class size and composition" however at the negotiating table they demand 24%. Ironically, the BCTF file a complaint with the Labour Relations Board (LRB) on June 5th to complain that the employeer was not bargaining in good faith. Of course on June 15th, the LRB dismisses the BCTF complaint.

The strike vote comes back at 85.2% (with just over half the teachers actually voting) - after the BCTF call teachers at home on their cells and email them to remind them of their "obligation to support the goals of the BCTF" and the need to "look the employer in the eye and vote to strike" if the 24% pay raise is not granted. Teachers are told, "we have come too far down this path so in order to save face we have to strike if we do not get our 24% raise."

June 19th sees the BCTF revise their demand down to 19% over three years. Two days later the Government counters with 10% over four years - up two percentage points.

The Government, tired of the misinformation put out by the BCTF, take out full page newspaper ads and radio spots on June 28th to update the public on the negotiations and use some examples of salary increases (admittedly, some fuzzy math is used). The BCTF are livid for the Government putting out ads during the negotiations. Of course the BCTF putting out ads, holding a strike vote and formulating a strike plan are OK. Ads from the Government with facts - are not.

So where are we now with only hours to go before the deadline and the teachers lose their signing bonus?

A new offer was sent to the BCTF late last night. In fact, both sides met through the night. This is a good sign. I hope the BCTF understands that there is no teacher shortage in BC as there is in other provinces, so the idea of "supply and demand" will influence pay. This holds true when the BCTF compares their bargaining to the nurses and HEU. This is not a fair comparison since the BCTF's friends at the NDP created the nurse shortage by eliminating almost 1,600 full-time nursing positions and not providing any school spots for nurses in the 1990's. Again, there is no teacher shortage so the comparison is wrong.

We will have the results from the negotiations as soon as there is something to report - even if it occurs after midnight. Keep checking back here or sign up for our email notifications by clicking here.

BREAKING NEWS - NDP Shadow Cabinet Shuffle

2006-06-29T12:07:00.000-07:00

This morning the NDP shuffled their sagging Shadow Cabinet. Here are the new responsibilities for the MLAs:

Leader, Official Opposition – Carole James, MLA Victoria – Beacon Hill
Aboriginal Relations and Reconciliation – Scott Fraser, MLA Alberni – Qualicum
* Advanced Education – Rob Fleming, MLA Victoria – Hillside
* Agriculture and Lands – Corky Evans, MLA Nelson – Creston
* Apprenticeship and Training – Doug Routley, MLA Cowichan - Ladysmith
Attorney General – Leonard Krog, MLA Nanaimo
* Children and Family Development – Maurine Karagianis, MLA Esquimalt – Metchosin
* Childcare, Early Childhood Development and Women’s Issues – Claire Trevena, MLA North Island
Citizens’ Services – Harry Lali, MLA Yale – Lillooet
* BC Lotteries, Gaming Policy, and ICBC – Guy Gentner, MLA Delta North
* Economic Development – Jenny Kwan, MLA Vancouver – Mount Pleasant
* Education – David Cubberley, MLA Saanich South
* Employment and Income Assistance – Jagrup Brar, MLA Surrey – Panorama Ridge
* Energy and Mines – John Horgan, MLA Malahat – Juan de Fuca
Environment – Shane Simpson, MLA Vancouver – Hastings
Ferries and Ports – Gary Coons, MLA North Coast
* Finance – Bruce Ralston, MLA Surrey – Whalley
Fisheries – Robin Austin, MLA Skeena
Forests and Range – Bob Simpson, MLA Cariboo North
* Health – Adrian Dix, MLA Vancouver – Kingsway
* Housing – Diane Thorne, MLA Coquitlam – Maillardville
* Human Rights, Multiculturalism and Immigration – Nicholas Simons, MLA Powell River – Sunshine Coast
Intergovernmental Relations – Michael Sather, MLA Maple Ridge – Pitt Meadows
Labour – Chuck Puchmayr, MLA New Westminster
* Mental Health – Raj Chouhan, MLA Burnaby – Edmonds
* Municipal Affairs – Charlie Wyse, MLA Cariboo South
Olympics – Harry Bains, MLA Surrey – Newton
* Public Safety and Solicitor General – Mike Farnworth, MLA Port Coquitlam – Burke Mountain
Seniors’ Health – Katrine Conroy, MLA West Kootenay – Boundary
* Small Business, Revenue and Deregulation – Gregor Robertson, MLA Vancouver – Fairview
* Tourism, Sport and the Arts – Norm Macdonald, MLA Columbia River – Revelstoke
Transportation – David Chudnovsky, MLA Vancouver – Kensington
Assistant Deputy Speaker – Sue Hammell, MLA Surrey – Green Timbers

Link to NDP news release.

CBC Story - NDP leader shakes up B.C. shadow cabinet

Look! Up in the sky! It's a bird! It's a plane! Nah...it's just Jinny whining.

2006-06-28T11:04:00.000-07:00

The BCTF office and local union funded "teachers' associations" were in panic mode over the last twenty-four hours. It seems the ads the BC Government took out to inform the public of the progress and details of the negotiations with the teachers' union have hit a nerve.

"How dare the Government try to take on "Super" Jinny Sims, our most beloved BCTF President?" BCTF spokesperson N. Joy Spankalotti exclaimed. "As I have said before, Jinny and ONLY Jinny controls the flow of information to our cogs in the machine, er, teachers and the public at large."

Yesterday, teachers from around the province were called into "emergency meetings" or conference calls administered by the BCTF, their local office reps such as Ralph Poynting, BCTF President for Nicola Valley (remember he wanted to remove four teachers from the union for obeying the law); Terry Green, BCTF President for Okanagan Skaha; Ritchie Kendrick, BCTF President for South Okanagan Similkameen (union boss to Mr. Foster) or organizations such as the Coquitlam Teachers Association (CTA). Teachers and support staff were told that the newspaper and radio ads were distorting the truth and were "irresponsible" since they were coming out during negotiations. In response, the teachers were told to "flood your local newspapers and BC Liberal MLA offices with copies or variations of our news release expressing your outrage".

Teachers who were not present at these meetings were then contacted during lunch at school, on their cell phones or received calls at home last evening reminding them "of [their] duty to support the BCTF" and that "the signing bonus is yours whether an agreement is reached by June 30th or not".

"Silence!", Spankalotti shrieked. "Those meetings were merely a private social gathering so that Jinny could share our truth about the negotiations. In short, because we are not getting everything we want so Jinny can improve the class size of her Mercedes and the composition of her bank account, then everything the Government is telling you is wrong. See? Simple."

So what part of the ads were not true? The $3,700 signing bonus if an agreement is signed by Friday? The increases of 10%, represented in the ad as hard dollar value examples of "...$7,453 more now for a first-year teacher in Surrey", and $11,855 by 2010"? Or how about...

"Shut it!", wide eyed Spankalotti shouted as she shook like a rage filled Polaroid picture. "Using true, accurate numbers by the Government to poke holes in our fanciful BCTF news releases is a clever ploy, but teachers and parents - especially the redneck ones - will not fall for it! We really want our 24% but we will take 19% so we can say to the other unions, 'see losers, we can screw over the Province and families better than your 5% to 14% increases so there!' Yep, that's what we want."

Interesting...even more interesting is the comment from the BCTF that the Government placing ads at this time to debunk the BCTF's spin may "...derail the progress we've been able to make", however the BCTF holding a strike vote during this same process just three weeks ago after this intrepid Poly leaked their strike agenda is fine?!

"Correct!", came the reply from the Spankster. "Look, we have no intention of settling and were hoping that our propaganda would be the only information out there. When the Government uses true facts and figures it muddies the water."

Also muddying the water are the streams of emails being sent to MLA and news offices around the Province. Several sources have shared the emails with us and most interesting is that 86.078% of those emails are sent from the same IP address of 134.87.18.49 - an IP registered in a "block" to the BCTF. Therefore, emails from "Bob Derkson from Burnaby; Richard Daca from Nanaimo; Crystal Pointon from Kamloops" are all from - yep, say it with me - the BCTF.

"Shut your pie hole!!!!", N. Joy shouted with the fiery of a thousand white hot suns. "All we are doing is recycling. Recycling our message in the form of 'cut and paste' from our news releases and then just having one of our Viagra filled BCTF staffers - who make a paltry starting salary of $80,000 - send out bulk emails to our lists of politicians and news outlets using the names of our union members as the author. We see nothing wrong with that."

With public support very high for teachers and at an all time low for the mob known as the BCTF, what can we expect?

"Well," Spankalotti began cautiously, "We want our 19% over three years and will not settle for anything less. So all your parents and students don't waste your time calling Jinny at the toll free number of (800) 663-9163 or emailing her or her thugs, er, associates listed here or here to express your support of the Government ads. We don't care!"

Yes...yes, we know.

From the Desk of Edward Itorial - Review of the Past Few Weeks

2006-06-26T05:22:00.000-07:00

Activity on the BC Poly Blog site has really picked up. It seems folks from both the left and right of the political spectrum have discovered the Poly and are taking an active role with leaving comments at the end of each piece. For me, this is a great way to gauge the interest, effectiveness and knowledge level of Poly's writings. Keep it up!

I want to use this post to review a few of the pieces Poly has published over the last few weeks. Poly's unique mix of fact, exaggeration and provocative humour have garnered us both wanted and un-wanted attention.

When Poly first presented the "Jesus To Gregor: 'You Do Not Have A Hope In Hell of Being Re-Elected!'" story some alarm bells went off. Whenever one tries to mix humour, politics and religion the result is often a muddy mess. In my estimation, the Lord Jesus Christ is more than able to withstand some gentle ribbing from this "intrepid Poly". The piece hammered home the over all belief that Gregor is ineffective in his role as MLA; so ineffective that even Jesus does not support him. Add to this his poorly updated website and a notice to a "Town Hall Meeting with Gregor Robertson" which very generally promised "...to talk about the most important issues of our time." and he made a perfect target for satire. I did have Poly make one addition to the piece and I'm not saying there is a link, but that evening the driver's door of my car had the word "WUSS" scratched into the paint. Can you guess what the addition was? Interesting to note that within an hour of the piece being published the broken links and missing information on Gregor's website were "corrected". What's next? In the coming weeks we will have updates on the sex discrimination complaint filed by his former controller at Happy Planet and I'm sure Poly will continue his Moby Dick like chase of the elusive Gregor.

The Claire Trevena article, "Would You Pay $580 For This?! Claire Did" was meant to highlight the rude and boorish behavior of this newbie MLA during a fundraising event while taking some digs at the NDP as a whole for their mismanagement of the fast ferry fiasco. However, the comments from you the readers discussed the ins and outs of budgets and surpluses of the various BC Governments over the last 20 years. Great stuff! Our insiders on the North Island let us know that Claire was not happy (note from Poly, the term used was "royally pissed") with the article but when the facts are correct, there is little one can do. What's next? To Claire, send us a photo of you in the jacket holding a sign that says "BC Poly Blog" and we will make a donation to Ducks Unlimited in your name for $100.

Carole James' leadership style has been called into question by the press, the public and politicos on the right and left. That's why stories like "The Mean Girls Force Out Maurine" and "Mayor Corrigan To Begin NDP Leadership Bid" hit home. When a leader is weak, others in the Party will make efforts to have that leader removed or at very least, make a move for change. What is surprising is just how vocal (at least behind the scenes in NDP circles) Burnaby Mayor Corrigan and current NDP House Opposition Leader Mike Farnworth are being with their efforts. What is scary is that Farnworth is far more union friendly than James and Corrigan makes Farnworth look like a Conservative. Furthermore, names from the past including Moe Sihota and Glen Clark are being tossed around as advisors to the "non-James NDP" or even as candidates. The NDP are determined to take us back to the 1990's. Scary. What's next? Well, with the latest Ipsos-Reid poll from this past week ("BREAKING NEWS - Ipsos-Reid Poll Shows BC Liberals Popularity Rising") we will hopefully not have to worry about an "old regime" NDP Government for many, many years.

Our most talked about piece over the last few weeks is hands down, "When An Osoyoos Teacher Attacks / What the BCTF Does NOT Want You To Do" - the forty plus comments from readers plus the over 2,000 emails forwarding articles from the Poly to (in theory) the BCTF proves that point. I actually do not have a problem with Mr. Foster sharing his opinion with the class, however, his insulting the students and their families by calling them "rednecks" is out of line. What points Foster may have had which made sense were diluted with his comments. It seems BCTF local President for District 53 (South Okanagan Similkameen), Richard Kendrick may have also felt that way when he traveled from Oliver, BC to speak with Foster in the Biology room before lunch on June 21st. Our sources tell us that Foster was none too pleased with the meeting (note from Poly, the term used was "royally pissed").

What's next? Well, this week promises to be quite interesting with Friday being the deadline for the BCTF to sign their contract. Should the BCTF sign, this means the BC Liberal Government signed 100% of the public service contracts before they expired. If not, we will all be disappointed (note from Poly, the term is "royally pissed"). Stay tuned.

BREAKING NEWS - Ipsos-Reid Poll Shows BC Liberals Popularity Rising

2006-06-21T22:40:00.000-07:00

BCTF STRIKE II: $$$ Before Education

2006-06-21T11:33:00.000-07:00

This summer's must see blockbuster will be the ongoing BCTF contract dispute which looks to open on July 1st and take us all on a dramatic roller-coaster ride of adventure into the early Fall season.

"That's right, this one is gonna be huge...HUGE!", Morty Monyfurst, BCTF business consultant exclaimed. "Jinny is so in the zone on this one...IN THE ZONE!"

And how. This week Jinny "Vader" Sims, President of the BCTF arrived for contract negotiations (as pictured above with her "team") prepared for battle. This time, she is determined to not have any leaks like she had before exposing her strike plans.

However, her plan does not seem to be working In the words of one of the greatest philosophers of our time: "Doh!".

This intrepid Poly has learned that the BCTF will pay the teachers their "signing bonus" should the BCTF force a strike since the Government kas stated the signing bonus will be off the table if the contract is not signed by June 30th...however, this will only really be a loan as the BCTF will be raising their union dues by three percentage points starting October 1st. This way, the BCTF will be "taking back" those "signing bonus" from the teachers in roughly three years time. This has led some people to suggest that the BCTF is bargaining in bad faith.

"Well of course that's that case my feathered friend," Morty exclaimed. "In this business it is called an advance...AN ADVANCE! It's gots to be paid back to Jinny...TO JINNY!"

On Monday, the BCTF moved from their outrageous demand of a 24% increase to their out-of-line hold-up of 19% over three years (7% - 6% - 6%)...Oh! And once you add in all the extras the BCTF is asking for such as more prep time, days off, additional benefits and enough money to finance the BCTF executive Viagra fund, their proposal is closer to the 42% range. In contrast, yesterday the Government countered with a 10% raise over four years (2.5% per year) which is in line with the other public service contracts settled with over 280,000 union members. The BCTF's wage plan will cost the taxpayers an additional $2 billion while the Government's plan is pegged at $600 million.

"Those are terrific projections....TERRIFIC!", Morty declared. "It's all about the money...THE MONEY! Add to this the number of people we will be screwing over and it will be huge...HUGE!"

That's true. Last year's illegal two week strike by the BCTF saw 4.5 million student days lost.

Morty squealed, "Sequels always do better...ALWAYS! So for this strike we are looking to top 10 million student days lost...10 MILLION! This will be huge...HUGE!"

To us here at the Poly, this does not make sense. Instead, if the BCTF go on another illegal "blockbuster" strike, perhaps the Province should consider fining this mob a base of $1 million plus $1 per student per strike day. This would certainly get their attention.

"That's not fair...NOT FAIR AT ALL!", Morty retorted like a victim from Kicked in the Nuts. "Some of those folks will not vote for the NDP...THE NDP! When we invest in students, all we ask for is blind, unquestioning loyalty...UNQUESTIONING LOYALTY!"

For another perspective, we turned to NDP Leader Carole James to see what she had to say about the ongoing BCTF salary neogotiations. "......................................."

Now THAT's a kick to the nuts.

When An Osoyoos Teacher Attacks / What the BCTF Does NOT Want You To Do

2006-06-19T06:04:00.000-07:00

What happens when an overzealous teacher argues with his students about the BCTF negotiating a 24% raise and wanting to go on strike? Well, of course you get a new article in this intrepid Poly!

Last week students of Mr. Dave "Nutty Professor" Foster's Grade 10 Science class at Osoyoos Secondary School were treated to a rant on how great the BCTF is by their teacher instead of doing sciencey things.

"He just kinda went crazy," one of the students shared with us. "I mean, I don't know why he had to make fun of students' parents who did not have seven years of university education like him or brag about how much support the BCTF has. When we students suggested the BCTF does not have as much support as he may think he replied, 'perhaps not from you rednecks'. What's up with that?"

Students are not sure why this teacher with twelve years experience including a stint at Gleneagle Secondary School in Coquitlam, would use the classroom to progress his political beliefs. Mr. Foster's connections to CUPE may be to blame. Or perhaps he was not happy with the negative ratings he had received on ratemyteachers.ca which allegedly, he ordered removed from both the Osoyoss Secondary School and Gleneagle sections. Or perhaps there is another reason?

"Look, if you are trying to say that Foster is a pawn or a stooge of Jinny and the BCTF then you are out of line," BCTF representative Ms. N. Joy Spankalotti exclaimed. "In fact, we here at the BCTF are tired of all the negative stories on the BC Poly Blog."

This is odd as we have been overwhelmed with the positive feedback from teachers all over the province on our articles exposing the boorish and mob like behaviour of their Union.

"Let me warn you," Spankalotti sneered, "I do NOT want to see students at high schools throughout BC printing out this article, or this article, or this one, certainly not this one and especially this article on people like me at the BCTF earning $80,000 a year for answering phones and of course, the free Viagra and then leaving these printed articles on teacher's desk, on bulletin boards, on lockers or placed on windshields or giving them to their parents. Our teachers should ONLY get information from Jinny and Jinny alone."

But what about...

"Silence!", Spankalotti shrieked. "I also do not want students or teachers using either this list or even this list to email the articles to the BCTF representatives. You see, people could use the anonymous mailing feature in this Blog, plug in a fake email address and send the article and comments to our offices using the automatic message feature in Blogger by clicking on the envelope graphic at the end of each post. A message like the one below:

...with your own added comment of something like, "Why is money more important to you than my education?" would be received by us without anyone knowing who sent it. But know, that THAT would be wrong!"

Ok, but why...

"Shut it! And before anyone gets any bright ideas, do NOT phone the BCTF at their toll free number of (800) 663-9163 to record your displeasure with us. We don't listen anyways! But most of all, the students had better NOT take photos of where they placed the printed out articles or make MP3 recordings of phone calls and then forward to this Poly Blog using email address bcpolyblog@gmail.com where they may feel inclined to anonymously post them for all to see. I tell you now...that WOULD BE WRONG!"

Well, I guess we know what we have to do.

The Mean Girls Force Out Maurine

2006-06-15T11:57:00.000-07:00

It appears Carole James' "leadership style" is pushing one of her MLAs to seek opportunities outside of the opposition NDP.

This intrepid Poly has learned that current NDP MLA for Esquimalt-Metchosin who serves as Opposition Critic for Small Business, Provincial Revenue and Deregulation, Maurine Karagianis, will be running for the Federal NDP in the next election.

"This has been brewing for quite some time," our super duper secret Legislative contact confided. "Maurine is just fed up with Carole's cliquey nature and poor fashion sense."

Carole along with union darling Jenny "Party of Two" Kwan and Claire "Check Out My Jacket" Trevena form the female power base of the elected BC NDP. In a tip of the hat to the movie Mean Girls, the group has called themselves "The Plastics".

"Well, it's not really a tip of the hat," our source confessed, "Since the NDP do not have an original idea and look to others for help, they just took on the Plastics name without really giving it any thought. Kinda like if they were putting a budget together."

Maurine has always been on the outside of this group and instead of struggling without purpose with the BC NDP she has decided to struggle without purpose with the Federal NDP during an election which is rumoured to take place in 2007. That election will be interesting as this Poly has also learned that current Liberal MP, Dr. "Of Love" Keith Martin will not be seeking re-election to a sixth term.

But why would Maurine leave now?

"The final straw came last evening when Carole was hosting her annual caucus retreat slumber party in Penticton and like, so totally did not invite Maurine.", super duper source squealed. "Maurine was like, 'Hey maybe we could stop being so ineffective as an opposition and get our poll numbers up' and Carole was all like, 'Don't go all Tommy Douglas on us - work is something our union friends sometimes do, not us!' Maurine was not invited to the girl's room and was forced to spend the evening with Gregor "Please Like Me" Robertson. The combination of these two events pushed her into the arms of Jack "The Love Machine" Layton and the Federal NDP."

So who could be filling Maurine's sensible shoes in a by-election? Well, none other than Moe Shihota, who served as the MLA in Maurine's riding for fifteen years is remoured to be returning. But by by-election time, will the voters have forgotten about this failed television host's 1995 incident where the BC Law Society suspended him for "unethical conduct"? Or his taking trust money from his clients to lend to his father - who then lost it? Or that he received loan guarantees from his friend, Herb Dhaliwal, then gave him a directorship position with BC Hydro? Or that he phoned the Taxi Commission while he was a Cabinet Minister to demand action on a license application for his pal Dhaliwal? Or that he sent one of his children to a private school while he was Education Minster but told folks she received a scholarship or bursary when in actual fact, the school was paid for by his in-laws? Time will tell.

As we reported in April, Moe's return would be a blow to James as Moe has been working with Harry "Friend of the Unions" Lali and Mike "Leader in Waiting" Farnworth to garner support to have Mikey take over as leader of the Party. With Farny, James and Burnaby's Mr. Potato Head now privately getting their battle plans together, this will make for an interesting race.

So where does this leave our frustrated Maurine, Carole James and the BC NDP?

"Well, if we look at the end of the movie Mean Girls, the leader gets hit by a bus and some believe it may have been a suicide attempt," our movie expert began. "With everything Carole and the Dippers have been doing - and not doing - it appears political suicide is imminent."

Mayor Corrigan To Begin NDP Leadership Bid

2006-06-13T11:42:00.000-07:00

This intrepid Poly reported earlier of the power struggles within the BC NDP for control on the leadership. The waters may become rougher now that Burnaby Mayor Derek "Mr. Potato Head" Corrigan is jumping into the fray.

"Corrigan's Burnaby Citizens Association has always just been a front for the NDP," our Senior Political Analyst and British Cultural expert Shawn Manhole confirmed. "That's why you have to be an NDP member in order to join the BCA. Something Derek wants because he has plans beyond being Mayor. Giddy up!"

A story in the Burnaby Now suggests there are rumours of the BCA planning "...to divest itself of its formal affiliation with the New Democratic Party", a rumour which Mayor Potato denies. However, in the same piece Burnaby Councillor and BCA Member Sav Dhaliwal believes "...there could be a large upside to the change".

We contacted Dhaliwal to learn more and was told by his "home care medical practitioner" that "Mr. Dhaliwal is nursing a broken knee after accidentally running into the Mayor's baseball bat four or five times. He would like to state for the record that Mayor Corrigan is great and that everyone should join the NDP."

But does the Mayor really have plans to leave municipal politics and jump to the provincial Dippers?

"Absolutely!', Manhole exclaimed. "In fact, he has been asked to speak at the NDP caucus gathering this week in Penticton which is the first step in his bid for leadership."

Manhole's sources deep inside the NDP confirm that Mayor Corrigan will be at the Lakeside Resort, Convention Centre and Casino on June 14th and/or June 15th to give a status report on his progress as an openly Dipper Mayor and to give the keynote address to the caucus: "Devolution: Returning BC to the 1990s". Should this speech go well, he may be able to unify and give focus to the NDP while bringing in even more union involvement.

Manhole continued, "You have to remember that the last caucus meeting just a few weeks ago ended in a brawl - Corgy can get down and dirty with the best of 'em so he will be fine. As well, he may have some info he can share."

Such as...?

"Well, a week ago Mayor Corrigan was spotted snooping outside a Team Burnaby fundraising lunch at the Metrotown Hilton."

What was he doing?

"He was expertly sucking on a fag", Manhole exclaimed, "That cancer stick or cigarette is such a nasty habit. He pressed his head up against the door and was getting madder and madder until he let out a few curse words and stormed off."

What could he have heard that made him so upset?

"Well, no Dipper likes to hear about how well individuals or businesses are doing now that the NDP is not in power, so that probably cheesed off the Mayor. Thankfully he was able to go home to his wife, the CUPE researcher and School Board Trustee, Kathy, who was able to calm him down."

His wife is Kathy Corrigan? The School Board Trustee? The CUPE worker? Wow! But...then...why does she not mention she is married to the Mayor and possible future leader of the NDP on either her BCA or School Board websites?

"Well, if she states she is the Mayor's wife," Manhole began, "she could be labeled guilty, a braggart or a liar - traits commonly connected with the NDP."

Which will make Derek Corrigan a natural leader for the party.

BREAKING NEWS - BCTF Votes to Strike

2006-06-09T08:44:00.000-07:00

More details to follow...

For more fun reading on the BCTF may we suggest:

From the Desk of Edward Itorial - My First Post
Our story giving the world the leaked BCTF strike memos
Jinny and the BCTF against your kids being tested
Jinny and the BCTF compared to the mob
Tests R Stoopid
BCTF To Teachers: "We Make More $$$ Than You!"
Pimp My Union

Jesus To Gregor: "You Do Not Have A Hope In Hell Of Being Re-Elected!"

2006-06-09T06:29:00.000-07:00

Poor NDP MLA Gregor Robertson, the under achieving over achiever. He seems to be the butt of many jokes (including those found here on this intrepid Poly) and this week while walking in his riding, not even Jesus Christ would give him support.

"It was the best thing I saw or heard ever...while sober", our man on the street reported. "Like, Jesus - or at least someone who looked like the Saviour - wanted nothing to do with Gregor. See! Look, I took a photo!"

The photo from our contact's cell phone shows Gregor talking up a storm while Jesus tries walking away, even looking to the heaven's for strength.

"Gregor was all like, 'Jesus you just have to come to my Town Hall Meeting on Monday' and Jesus is all like, 'What will you be discussing?' and Gregor goes, "Dude, I don't know, the unions have not given me the agenda yet.'"

Well, a look at the NDP website as to what Gregor is talking about at the meeting shows that, well, they will be discussing "...the most important issues of our time." Nothing specific, 'cause Gregor does not like to get bogged down in details.

"As Jesus starts picking up the pace," our informer continued, "Gregor says, 'I'd love for you to visit my website. Can you do that for me Jesus? Please?' But Jesus pretended not to hear him, kinda like if Gregor was in a caucus meeting."

Since we here at the Poly enjoy a good website - we were of course disappointed by Gregor's site which has not been updated in about seven months. Since Gregor has not done anything of note in that time, perhaps the site IS up-to-date. Most telling is when you click on "Gregor in the House" it takes you to a page with the bold heading of Not Found. A prophecy of the 2009 Election?

Another on looker reported that Gregor then proudly said, 'Hey Jesus, I think I know one of your prophets. My buddy Adrian Dix did some writing for you. Now THERE'S a man with integrity!"

Our street source continues: "Jesus now is doing like a jog with Gregor in pursuit going all, 'Hey Jesus, I'm kinda thirsty. Maybe you'd like a nice drink from the company I founded? You know, Happy Planet?' then Jesus says, 'You're a Dipper right? So, is Happy Planet unionized?' and Gregor is all like, 'No way Dude, I'm happy to take the union's money and election services but having them work in my company would have totally ruined me!"

Well, if the unions working in his non-union company did not ruin him, the 2004 sex discrimination complaint filed by his former controller against Gregor, Happy Planet and the company President could (may still?) have. This document on the British Columbia Human Rights Tribunal website is fairly self explanatory. While ol' GR tried to have the application dismissed he was as successful as he was asking poignant, original questions in the House this past session.

"Then the most amazing thing happened," our source exclaimed, wide eyed. "Gregor started sobbing and Jesus stopped in his tracks, sighed, and made his way back to our sad MLA. JC says, 'My son, it feels like you have been slapped in the face, does it not?', and Gregor makes this kind of whimpering 'Yes' sound. Jesus then says, you need to remember Matthew 5:38-42 'If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also.'"

From all accounts, Gregor was renewed with a sense of overwhelming confidence and true to the Lord's scripture he turned his head away in an exaggerated manner to show JC that he was taking His words to heart.

"Then Jesus sucker punched him", our source concluded. "Like I said, best thing I ever saw or heard."

Would You Pay $580 For This?! Claire Did.

2006-06-07T08:39:00.000-07:00

Claire "The Diva" Trevena, NDP MLA for North Island and Opposition Critic for Employment and Income Assistance woke up on May 20th with presumably a big hang over, a bank account which was a little lighter and a jacket which she will never wear in public.

"She was just doing what she was trained to do! She was just following NDP protocol!", an NDP insider exclaimed.

Let this intrepid Poly explain.

On May 19th, Ducks Unlimited held their annual fundraising dinner in Campbell River. It seems our darling Claire showed up a wee bit late and plunked herself down - uninvited - at a reserved table. As she helped herself to the free wine she became more and more boisterous - and susceptible to suggestion.

"Again not her fault", the spokesperson continued. "All the booze and no one talking about policy had Claire thinking this was the NDP Caucus retreat scheduled for a week later. An honest mistake."

As the drinks took hold, Claire's table guests decided to "fast ferry" her - that is, convince her that it would be in her best interest to purchase an item of no real use or value - a camouflage dinner jacket - at four to five times the retail cost. In fact, they told her it was tradition since the year before former North Island MLA Rod "The Bod" Visser bid on the same item at auction.

"Sigh...perhaps she should have run away as she did with Carole James when confronted with protesters during the last election, but she did not." our frustrated insider confessed. "Her public relations training from the company she owns with her husband really let her down."

The table guests soon shared their plan with others in the room and the bidding for the $100 jacket was driven up.

"Claire is used to seeing the NDP have bad finanical management and was just following the lead of her Party from the 1990's," Dipper insider continued. "Claire was trying to win the jacket so she and Carole could have matching outfits. This was the plan to help drive up the sagging NDP support in the polls. Sure it is not a good plan, but without Vaughn giving us anything new we are stuck."

By the time the bidding ended the folks in the room drove the price up to $580 and Claire won the jacket without knowing she was part of this gag - in spite of the fact people were openly pointing and laughing. In fact, Claire provided so much entertainment, the other guests wrote several additional cheques to Ducks Unlimited. These are folks who know the value of good entertainment.

So as Claire awoke the morning after the fundraiser, all she had left was a tacky jacket, a tax receipt for almost six times the value of the jacket and some foggy memories of a good evening - which is more than BC has after the fast ferry fiasco.

From the Desk of Edward Itorial - My First Post

2006-06-05T06:14:00.000-07:00

This has been quite the week here at the BC Poly Blog. The list of news outlets to the left? Those are some of the outlets which either reported on our breaking story from Thursday, "BCTF Memos Show $$$ More Important Than Students" or requested interviews with this intrepid Poly. Due to the thousands of "hits" we had on this story and the hundreds of emails we received, we here at the Poly decided to make some clarifications on the operation of this Blog.

As a quick note - be sure to subscribe at the top of this page for our email notifications. This way you will always know when BC Poly Blog has been updated.

There are several people who work tirelessly to collect the information for the two or three posts made here each week. The sarcastic, yet informative, voice heard thus far has been of Poly. Poly finds - or creates - the absurd in the news piece. This creates a mix of humour, awareness and discussion. But make no mistake, at the core of each article is a real issue in play in British Columbia.

In an effort to clarify our position on an issue or to answer questions of readers, the press or lawyers, from time-to-time I will make posts on the BC Poly Blog. This way Poly's humour does not get in the way of the message and you - our loyal reader - can ask questions and get pointed answers. But don't worry - Poly will continue to post a majority of the time!

Let me get to main point of my first post - clarify our Poly's stance on teachers and the BCTF.

Teachers are some of the hardest working and most under appreciated folks in our society. We entrust our children to these educators for about seven hours a day, five days a week, nine months a year for roughly thirteen years. Quite frankly, teachers can spend more time with the kids than some parents. This Poly supports our teachers' call for improvements in the education system and for fair pay and benefits.

The British Columbia Teachers' Federation (BCTF) on the other hand is an organization in the business of collecting fees from hard working teachers in order to provide pay to their executive and staff. Over 165 people work for the BCTF according to the list on their website. Assuming an average wage and benefit package of $80,000 for each BCTF employee / executive, this is a wage load of more than $13.2 million each year that is out of the pockets of teachers. Oh...this does not include money needed for day-to-day costs of running the BCTF which has to go into the millions of dollars each year. Remember that our taxes pay for teachers and as such, our money goes to finance the BCTF.

For the life of me, I cannot see the benefit the BCTF has for teachers. The BCTF certainly does not properly nor ethically provide representation of our province's fine teachers. Jinny Sims' main goal is to raise more money for her union in a demented version of a perpetual motion machine. If the teachers need a union they need to figure out the BCTF is not the correct choice.

So - to simplify for our critics: teachers = good...BCTF = bad evil empire who should be greased up with meat juice and forced to run naked while wearing leg irons through a pen of wild, rabid dogs. Ok...Poly helped with that last line.

BCTF Memos Show $$$ More Important Than Students

2006-06-01T08:23:00.000-07:00

Teachers across the province are upset at the mob like tactics of the British Columbia Teachers' Federation (BCTF) and their union head Jinny "The Striker" Sims. So upset, that they have contacted this intrepid Poly with specific details of their impending strike vote set for next week - June 7th and 8th.

In a working document faxed to this Poly, the BCTF has outlined four steps they are demanding their teachers follow when the BCTF does not get their 24% salary increase and instead "only" receives an 8% to 12% bump:

1) No Supervision beginning September 5 [first day of school]

2) A full day study session of September 5

3) Rotating strikes beginning September 11

4) Full withdrawal at a date determined at the special Representative Assembly in August

"How are we the bad guys here?", a very sweaty BCTF spokesperson asked. "All we are trying to do is give the kids a longer summer. Our plan for going on strike at the start of the school year without any real notice is like an extra surprise for the kids. Jinny just LOVES children - if they are properly cooked. HA HA HA...hey, you're not gonna print that, are you?"

The BCTF has maintained that "class size and composition" are the main issues in their contract dispute. However, a two page BCTF memo dated May 24th and distributed to teachers yesterday (May 31st) makes absolutely no mention of "class size and composition" and focuses exclusively on the demand of a 24% pay hike as is seen in the line "...salary increase is a high priority for BCTF members." (click for page 1 and click for page 2)

"Look, we have told you time and time again that the "class size and composition" we are talking about is the class size of Jinny's Mercedes and the composition of her bank account.", sweaty guy declared. "All the 24% increase would cost the province is $279 million per year. A small drop in the bucket - only half of what our NDP friends spent on the fast ferries."

Where would this $279 million come from?

"Jinny is suggesting from health care", our spokesperson continued. "I mean, our Dipper friends eliminated almost 1,600 full-time nursing positions and did not provide any school spots for nurses in the 1990's. So that pretty much shows our commitment to the big picture."

Teachers have reported to this Poly that they are receiving phone calls at home and on their cell phones from BCTF representatives reminding them of their "obligation to support the goals of the BCTF" and the need to "look the employer in the eye and vote to strike" if the 24% pay raise is not granted. When teachers tell the callers they are happy with the plan set out by the government, they are told to "have a one-on-one talking session with your union rep" and most shocking of all, "we have come too far down this path so in order to save face we have to strike if we do not get our 24% raise".

How does the BCTF respond?

"First off, you are not supposed to have access to our private memos and certainly our cogs in the machine, er, teacher members, should not be sharing phone conversation info with you", sweaty BCTF guy exclaimed. "Also, I just want to be sure you do not misunderstand my whole Jinny eating kids cannibal quote from earlier on. Jinny does not REALLY eat the children - she just consumes their right to uninterrupted education - HA HA HA...oh, boy...you're printing that too eh?"

Yep, students and parents deserve to know.

Let's Get Ready To Grumble!!!

2006-05-28T06:42:00.000-07:00

This weekend saw the BC NDP transfer their bruised and battered image onto themselves as individuals when a brawl broke out at a Caucus gathering.

"The meeting started off as all the Caucus meetings do with a roll call off all the important NDP figures.", our insider told us. "You know, the leaders of the unions, Federal Leader Jack Layton, the guy who organizes the trashing of non-NDP signs during elections, etc. Then all of a sudden Carole James wanted to be introduced and well, you know, that's just weird as this was a roll call of leaders."

While this intrepid Poly has received many versions of the events inside the Fairmont Vancouver Airport Hotel this weekend, what happened next is consistent in all reports (except for the memo we received from Adrian Dix which involved a unicorn).

"So, when the MC would not introduce Carole, she says, "But I'm the leader" and House Opposition Leader and party leader wanna-be Mike Farnworth snickers "for now" which of course got Harry Lali giggling "good one Mikey" which led to hair pulling - and once Carole got a good handful of Mike's back hair, the fight was on!"

It the middle of throwing punches at each other, Mike would taunt Carole with verbal jabs of "way to go Ms. 37% popular support" and "will Vaughn continue writing your questions for the next question period?" while Carole countered with "oh Mike, wanna give a friend a casino license or fudge a budget?"

The fighting only stopped when Gregor Robertson hid under a table rocking back and forth looking confused - just as he does when in the Legislature. This united the fighting "leaders" as everyone joined in pointing and laughing at Gregor and then went home.

But would not the time spent fighting have been better spent reviewing policy?

"Policy?", our NDP contact exclaimed. "That's what the unions do for us. Why duplicate the work?"

These Bluffs Are Our Land - To Be Clear, Not Your Land

2006-05-26T07:29:00.000-07:00

"Leave me! Take my man servant! Take him!” – and with those words from the back of a police car, Dennis Perry’s dreams of being an activist were dashed.

Perry, a former investment banker, failed Green Party candidate, million dollar home owner and the Captain of the West Vancouver pre-Olympic Agitation Team or "The Coalition to Save Eagleridge Bluffs", spent the last 39 days in a trial run with his Team. Their goal? Well according to their Mission Statement, "...to preserve the unique biodiversity of Eagleridge Bluffs, the Larson Creek Wetlands and the Baden-Powell Centennial Trail that connects them."

Much like the great "Rock, Paper, Scissors" environmental kafuffle of last month, this sounds cute and all - but the "biodiversity" stuff is wrong and apparently, so was their purpose.

“The environment?” scoffed one protester. “Who cares? We just do not want common folks coming so close to our homes. I mean, isn't it enough we hire them to serve us and now they want to drive on a public road? Ridiculous.”

This culturally diverse group of white, beige, cream and even vanilla West Van Bluffists came together to allow their servants and wait staff participate in this demonstration - a demonstration with a profound purpose.

“We were told that once the land was bulldozed for our mansions, private clubs and secret nuclear fallout bunkers that we would be able to have the Bluffs as our private perfect human breeding ground.”, a spokesperson sobbed. "We were lied to and now it's all gone."

Alas, this was not to be and this has left a bad taste in the mouths of these dedicated latte swilling protesters. Some of whom only got eight hours of sleep each evening in their beds at their homes, had to drive themselves to the protest site each day or had limited access to their staff to retrieve coffee from Starbucks.

Yesterday was the final chapter in this tale which saw three different courts point out - and we are paraphrasing here - "Your whiny, self righteous, hypocritical activism coupled with your bogus environmental science is wasting the court's time. Go home - either your West Van home, your summer home, your chateau in Whistler, or your cabin in the woods - we don't care, just stop your crap."

"This is a slippery slope," another protester pointed out of these legal rulings. "What's next? A minimum wage for workers? Or perhaps a democratic election system where non-rich folks and even non-whites are allowed to vote? Well, I'm sorry my friend, that is not MY West Vancouver...not my West Van whatsoever!!"

Next week - the complete results from the 39 day Bluffs Olympics.

Cigarettes Bad - NDP Worse

2006-05-24T06:16:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, Health Canada announced that there will be provocative new images and slogans placed on cigarette packages in order to inform consumers of the harmful effects of this deadly product. Buried deep in the report was the fact that all deadly, destructive items need to be labeled as harmful - including the New Democratic Party.

"Well, we believe it is long overdue," a guy who said he is with Health Canada told us. "Any item - or political party - which can kill tourism, business, employment and prosperity needs to be at least labeled as bad and at best, put into a rocket ship and shot to the centre of the sun."

Our contact was able to provide the a draft of the packaging the NDP would be forced to utilize (pictured above). The image of leader Carole James with failed candidate Bart Healey and MLA Diane Thorne all sharing a good hearty laugh is quite frightening.

How is the NDP dealing with this shocking news?

"We are outraged I say...outraged!", a Dipper spokesperson emoted. "As a group, we NDP were the best government the province has ever had! The 1990's rocked! I mean, we had the Fudge-It-Budget, so named because it was so sweet; we loved building decks; we provided excellent overpriced ferries and Premier Glen Clark invited the RCMP to his house to party down. We NDP are great!"

"Many problems are associated with a dangerous product like the NDP", the guy from Health Canada continued. "The NDP have short term memory issues, delusions of grander and the need to repeat things over and over, no matter how outlandish and even false. Again, my idea of the rocket ship with destination sun needs to be considered."

So how about it NDP spokesperson? How do you respond?

Scary...isn't it?

NDP Assistants To Go On Strike?

2006-05-19T07:46:00.000-07:00

What do you call a group of folks whose assistants are considering going on strike? Why, the NDP Opposition of course!

It appears that the Constituency Assistants (CAs) to the NDP MLAs - the folks who essentially run the MLA's community offices - have walked away from the negotiating table and may soon be going on strike.

With the BC Liberals having been able to sign all public unions to new contracts before set deadlines, it is troubling that the NDP cannot work with the BCGEU (who represent the CAs) to find labour peace. There must be some very complicated, tricky points which to the lay person, would be near impossible to comprehend.

"We want more money! We want more money!", an outraged Dipper assistant shared with us while swinging a baseball bat around. He concluded with, "We want more money! We want more money!"

The NDP Chief of Staff, David "Ah Come On Guys, Listen To Me" Perry forwarded a confidential memo on May 1st to the NDP MLAs and staff saying "a tentative agreement" with the CAs had been reached. However, in a Carole James-ion move he has verbally told his people that the deal is off.

What makes this odd is that today is the six month anniversary of the "Great NDP Flip-Flop" where the NDP voted against raises to the MLAs and a major influx of cash to run the Constituency Office - after first voting days earlier in favour of this plan.

Furthermore, there is absolutely no mention of the negotiations of these CAs on the BCGEU website. The website typically displays every step of progress - or lack thereof - on negotiations but nothing at all on their Dipper friends. This too appears odd.

"It is not odd at all," a BCGEU representative shared with us during an extended smoke break. "We do not advertise how much cash we funnel to the NDP so we are not going to discuss this part of the plan."

Wait! Plan? What does that mean?!

Quickly extinguishing his cigarette our source scurried away yelling, "I have said too much!"

Then it hit us - no, not that bat wielding monkey (although that would have been cool...and painful) - but what the plan possibly could be. Could this all just be a rouse to have all of the BCGEU go on strike? You see, if the NDP CAs strike would the other unions join in and support as a "sympathy strike"? We chased after a slow running, hacking BCGEU insider for comment on a possible "sympathy strike".

"Well, no one really has sympathy for the NDP but heck, we sure do enjoy a good self righteous summer time strike! This is also good practice for our BCTF friends!"

The NDP to Hire The Riddler?

2006-05-17T06:56:00.000-07:00

With just two more Question Periods remaining in this session, the NDP are breathing a sigh of relief that their lame standing in the House is almost over.

"We are so totally out of good questions," a nervous NDP staffer confessed. "I mean, every day is like a test for which we have not studied and are just picking "C" on the multiple choice! We're so screwed."

As this intrepid Poly reported some weeks ago, NDP Leader Carole James offered a caucus position to Vancouver Sun political reporter and drag car racer, Vaughn Palmer, since "the NDP's questions during Question Period...[are] really just our fine Dippers reading lines from Palmer's writings."

This really leads to the question of "does the Pew Nemocratic Darty have a plan to handle the next Question Period in the coming session?"

"You bet your feathered head we do!", our Dipper contact exclaimed. "To help us with Question Period in the Fall, we have hired...The Riddler."

What?! The Riddler from Batman fame? This just does not seem like a good move.

"This is a great move!", our source cooed. "Now this guy can ask questions...I mean, he IS the Riddler! We were going to get the original Riddler, Frank Gorshin, but we discovered he died a year ago today and since we already carry enough dead wood...*cough* Gregor Robertson *cough*...we went with the 1990's Riddler version 'cause we did a lot of sweet things that decade."

You mean like the Fudge-It-Budget? Or Adrian Dix's fake memos? Or perhaps Casino Gate?

"Yep...those were the last times we had awesome original ideas! So with The Riddler coming aboard how can we lose?!"

However, all is not well. We received an email from the Riddler earlier this morning saying, "I am not joining the NDP. I may be criminally insane but I'm not stupid."

Carole James Tries (Poorly) To Put Positive Spin On Poll

2006-05-15T06:18:00.000-07:00

Mustel Group's latest poll results show that "Support for BC Liberals [is] Strong" - in fact stronger than a year ago when the BC Liberals formed Government.

"I certainly enjoy a good poll," our political annalist, Shawn Manhole declared, "And this poll is a solid indication that the firm, rigid forward thrusting movements of the BC Liberals will take us all to great heights! Giddy up!"

Any-who...the poll shows that support for the BC Liberals is at 54% - 8 points higher than a year ago; while the NDP would somehow earn 37% - down 5 points from last election - with the Green Party taking 5% and all other parties stealing away 4%.

But how has Carole James and the NDP received this news? Well, in a shocking photo forwarded to this hot little Poly which was described by Manhole as "shocking, disturbing yet strangely arousing", ol' CJ has taken to the clubs to get her message out.

"Look, Carole will not go down easily," a frustrated Dipper staffer assured us. "Her plan is to show the world that she has the skills to get her members, er numbers, up."

How about focusing on the needs of British Columbians instead of pandering to the will of unions?

"Get real," our source responded. "Everyone knows that polls can be rigged for an outcome. For example, did you know that 100% of our union leaders want the NDP to rule BC? Or that 100% of union leaders prefer to sit on the NDP Board of Directors than not? Or 100% of union leaders surveyed do not have a problem supplying "off the books" labour to the NDP during elections? Or that really 87% of the population would vote for the NDP if an election were held today? These are the kind of figures which really matter to the NDP."

These numbers seem quite made up. Since Mustel can be referenced as the source for the figures of the BC Liberals dominating the polls, we asked the Dippers to supply a source for their poll.

"Adrian Dix gave them to us, so you just know they have to be good."

Good luck with that.

The Denial of Service Code

2006-05-14T15:48:00.000-07:00

This delightful Poly would like to apologize to the millions of folks who log into this site each and every day for fair and unbiased reporting of the BC Political scene only to find that over the last five days, there were no updates!

It seems some one - or someones-es - hacked the Blogger site with a Denial of Service attack which prevented new articles from being updated. Blogger and parent company Google (motto: "Does Your Mother Know What You Look For Online?") are investigating. However, in the spirit of the Da Vinci Code movie coming out this week, we here at the Poly have two clues as to who may have tried to block this site from being updated:

First clue in the form of an anagram:

Pew Nemocratic Darty

...and the second clue:

Uig Bnions

If you can crack these clues, please write to us at bcpolyblog@gmail.com. Not to worry, a new shocking Poly article will be up tomorrow (Monday).

"Stop the tests - or the bird gets it!" - Jinny Sims

2006-05-08T06:10:00.000-07:00

BCTF President, Jinny Sims, has escalated her assault on the Foundation Skills Assessment testing as today marks the start of the tests.

"Today is both a day of mourning and a day of action," a BCTF spokesperson announced via the BCTF web based radio program We Hate Your Children. "For each day the tests are held, we will execute a non-union teacher type. No dues - no mercy!"

As proof, we here at the intrepid Poly were able to capture this photo of Jinny Sims with beloved Sesame Street character Big Bird. (Note: Big Bird is on the right)

As we have written in the past, the Province maintains that the FSA tests "...systematically gathers information from a variety of sources to determine the extent to which BC students are achieving the knowledge, skills and understanding prescribed in the provincial curriculum."

However, according to a brochure on the BCTF website, the FSAs have a negative impact on students, teachers, and quite possibly the reason why the BCTF administration require Viagra. As a consequence, the BCTF want parents to pull their kids from school during the 11 days when the tests are being held.

With all this in mind, Jinny's latest kidnapping plot does seem a little out of control.

"This is not out of control.", the spokesperson continued. "A well a everybody's heard about the bird...bird, bird, bird, b-bird's the word and the word is dead. All praise Jinny."

Further in the broadcast we hear from the captive bird him/herself.

"This b***h is f****n' crazy!", Big Bird laments on the audio portion of the broadcast. "A 24% raise?! Tests are bad for kids?! She's out of her f*****n' mind! Oh! Yeah, her trying to kill me is kinda lame too. Send help."

"We will kill the bird," the broadcaster concludes. "We have killed before...we have killed the ability to negotiate reasonably; we have killed our credibility...so you know we are serious."

The NDP Three Stooges - Moe, Lali and Farny

2006-05-05T07:35:00.000-07:00

It appears current Opposition House Leader, Mike Farnworth is indeed stepping up his super secret bid to become the next leader of the BC NDP.

"Mike has assembled two of the greatest NDP minds to have not - as of this writing - served any major jail time", a friend of Farny boasted. "With this crack team he has assembled, how can he lose?"

Yes this IS quite the team. Mike has tapped former MLA and failed television newscaster, Moe "It's Not My Fault - Don't Call Me Patty" Sihota and current MLA colleague and Titanic movie inspirer Harry "On the Side of Organized Labour" Lali to assist in his quiet bid to de-throne current leader, Carole James.

But why these two?

Moe resigned from cabinet several times during his stay at the Leg including a May 1995 incident where the BC Law Society suspended him for "unethical conduct". Some other incidents from this comic genius include taking trust money from his clients to lend to his father who, like all Dippers who handle money which is not theirs, lost it; received loan guarantees from his friend - Herb Dhaliwal - then gave him a directorship position with BC Hydro; phoned the Taxi Commission while he was a Cabinet Minister to demand action on a license application for his pal Dhaliwal; and finally, sent one of his children to a private school while he was Education Minister but told folks she received a scholarship or bursary when in actual fact, the school was paid for by his in-laws.

"With Moe's creative thinking and ability to escape trouble, he will be able to guide Mikey through the murky waters of being an NDP leader." Mikes friend continued. "I mean, if the Law Society suspended a lawyer for unethical behaviour, then he is our kind of guy!"

But what about Lali? It appears his claim to fame is keeping one of the backbenches warm in Victoria.

"Lali is our direct pipeline to the unions...he can get us the funds and off the books labour we need," the friend bragged. "Not that Mikey cannot just get it again as he did during the 2005 election, but this time Lali will head up that side of the operation to keep MF's hands clean."

With these developments taking place surely the Carole James camp must be wanting to mount a strong defense. However a source close to CJ wrote to us in an email, "As long as Moe, Lali and Farny are working together, Carole's chances of remaining leader have just increased!"

NDP Spy vs Spy

2006-05-03T07:47:00.000-07:00

Rumours have been milling about that a leadership coup is brewing within the ranks the BC NDP. But now, the stakes have been raised as Mike "Macho Man" Farnworth is gaining momentum against current leader Carole "I'm Prettier Than Carol Taylor, Right?" James. In fact, it is getting down right dirty.

"The tension and level of violence is just unbelievable," our NDP caucus source told us. "I mean, not as unbelievable as say an NDP Fudge-It Budget or BCTF President Jinny Sims demand for a 24% raise, but still pretty bad."

The real problems began in November when Mikey F. worked with BC Liberal House Leader Mike "Da Donger" de Jong on the MLA raises and constituency office budget increases. When the BCTF, BC Fed and BCGEU unions called Carole onto the carpet for the raises since they could not get a percentage of the increase, James changed her position.

"Mike was enraged!", a former pool boy of the Opposition House Leader confirmed. "He almost used fact and common sense as opposed to just yelling when he was ranting against James. Her flipping back and forth like a farmed salmon at a fundraising event was unbelievable. I mean, not as unbelievable as the poor questions she and fellow Dippers ask in question period which are really just copies of Vaughn Palmer's thoughts, but still pretty bad."

And things continued to get worse in this "Spy vs Spy" dramedy.

"Mike and Carole just try to tear each other apart", our NDP caucus source continued. "Mike would ask Carole difficult questions such as "which province borders BC to the east" while Carole delights in bringing up issues where cuts to the Health Budget were made when Mikey was Health Minister in the '90's then ending with, "which moron did that?"."

But where will it end? What will happen if MF and CJ destroy each other?

"My God, we hope that will not happen," caucus boy exclaimed. "That could cause something unbelievable to happen such as Gregor "Not Living Up To Expectations" Robertson taking a run at the leadership or the NDP dropping down to only two members. That would never happen...again...could it?"

Fish and Dips

2006-05-01T06:18:00.000-07:00

Police were called to break up a riot at the pavilion Ballroom at Stanley Park during the April 26th Vancouver Burrard NDP Riding Association after Carole James sided with a group of farmed salmon.

"That's right!", a representative from the Riding Association proclaimed. "Them non-union farmed salmon got in here, started talking fact based stuff from the BC Salmon Farmers Association - which confused the bejesus out of us - then all hell broke loose."

From all accounts, the farmed salmon - or "scab salmon" - was on the menu for the evening's dinner. As word of the main course circulated through the room the Dippers become self righteous and trashed the place. The reason for this hostility? During the 2005 election, the NDP Platform (see page 50) called for a reinstatement of a moratorium on open-net fish farms with strong hints towards a boycott of farmed salmon. So it must be because of environmental reasons for this anti fish farming stance.

"What are you...Sims, I mean stupid?", our contact stammered. "[Official Opposition Critic for the Environment and No Pants Day advocate] Shane Simpson is still way too busy with that whole rock, paper, scissors thing so the environment is not the reason. We are against the farmed salmon 'cause they is farmed by non-union folks."

That's right. NDP policy makers such as BC Fed President Jim "Sexy Moustache" Sinclair and BCTF President Jinny "Sexy Moustache II" Sims assisted with the anti-farm salmon policy as the industry is mostly staffed by non-union workers, many of whom are Aboriginal.

But even with all the posturing of the evening, everyone still ate their meal. So what about Carole along with other NDPers and unionists chowing down on the farmed salmon - is that not hypocritical?

"It's not at all," our contact stammered. "We always look out for our best interests. But while we stand on principal we dine on salmon!"

Carole's Unions of ODDS

2006-04-28T07:52:00.000-07:00

It was quite odd to see NDP Opposition Critic for the Attorney General, Leonard Krog, rise in the House yesterday to demand "campaign financing reform" - especially since he seemed to forget BC NDP Leader Carole James' philosophy: "It is certainly good to have friends. But it is much better to have friends with money" And the NDP do...and how.

You see, Carole James and the NDP try to pass themselves off as sweet, innocent wide eyed optimists - you know, like Dorothy from The Wizard of Oz. But she hangs out with oddly dressed men.

Her friends Jim "the Scarecrow" Sinclair from the magical kingdom of the BC Fed is often found arm-in-arm with George "the Tinman" Heyman of the BCGEU while Jinny "the Cowardly Lion" Sims of BCTF fame comes up the rear.

Just how friendly are these delightful characters? Well, just sit back for this.

According to Elections BC, during the 28 days of the 2005 provincial election, these three unions (BC Fed, BCGEU and BCTF) - along with a few other Toto like friends - allocated over $10 million dollars to get the NDP elected. Never mind that some of the BCGEU activity was deemed illegal by Elections BC or that Jinny's BCTF spent over $5 million of their teachers' money in a failed attempt to get her friends in the NDP back into power. For some context, this is more than DOUBLE what all the other parties spent combined.

Oh! And the above figures do not include other money given or funneled to sweet, innocent Carole as she skipped her way along the yellow brick road to Victoria. You see, money and services given outside those 28 days of the election period or "writ" do not have to be reported. So when the NDP flying monkey army is out there on phone banks, canvassing, breaking into offices, taking money away from nurses or teachers etc. this does not get reported!

Now, when the Unions want to cover their tracks, they form "independent, grassroots organizations" - or as they call 'em, "Good Witches". These groups appear to be good intentioned, until you see that they are run, organized and financed by the Unions with the sole purpose of getting their message out. Makes sense...when your credibility is shot, shout the same rhetoric - "there's no place like the NDP 1990's...there's no place like the NDP 1990's" - using a different name.

Just looking at the Board of Directors of groups like "BC Citizens for Public Power" (featuring our Scarecrow friend who through the BC Fed gave this group a $15,000 "loan", which was not paid back); "BC Health Coalition" (featuring the Scarecrow and the Cowardly Lion); and the "Canadian Centre for Policy Alternatives" who apparently are really, really friendly with the Dippers since the CCPA received over $400,000 in taxpayer money from the NDP between the dark, tornado years of 1993 to 2001, and additional funding from the "Columbia Foundation" whose BOD includes yet again the Scarecrow and the Tinman. Oh! And did we forget to mention that all of these groups share membership lists with each other?

We do not even have time to touch on the fact the it is mandated in the NDP Constitution that Union Leaders MUST sit on the NDP Board of Directors and Union members are given more weight as delegates at Dipper elections.

So, how does our fable end? Well, our Leg operatives tell us that after Mr. Krog's statement in the house yesterday he has a little meeting with Dorothy and her friends sometime this morning. We're guessing that if Mr. Krog is not careful, he will end up like the Wicked Witch of the East...crushed.

Jinny Simprano and the BCTF - a Mob Story

2006-04-26T07:39:00.000-07:00

The BCTF has failed in an attempt to shake down four law abiding teachers. In a scene reminiscent of a mob movie or TV series, "Don" Jinny Sims "Simprano" ordered one of her Nicola Valley Teacher Chapter captains - Ralph "Click Here To Email Me" Poynting - to collect payment of salary received when the four teachers crossed the picket lines during the illegal strike in September 2005.

"Yeah, well dose dirty rats will pay," Tony "The Bedwetter" Screwuovery a BCTF capo told us. "Day broke da golden rule, don't cross da boss! Now Jinny's pissed."

So angry in fact, that Jinny and the BCTF family ordered the four teachers be "whacked" - a BCTF term for being declared "members in bad standing".

"Dats right! We took away one of da greatest privileges in life - the ability to vote at union meetings or buy dare way up the union ladder during our gatherings...or as we call 'em, "elections"."

This must mean that these four brave, law abiding teachers no longer have to pay dues, right?

"No way!", Screwuovery exclaimed. "All teachers get taxed by da Boss - or as yous call it "dues". Dez dues are paid to Jinny out of fear...er, respect so we can fund slanderous third party campaign advertising, pay fines for illegal strikes or complete Jinny's Mercedes class size and bank account composition requirements. Dis is a good ting."

However, this plan did not work. Reports in publications, but namely this Poly Blog, has shone a bright light on the questionable activities of the BCTF. As such, Jinny and her goons had to back down from their demands.

"Dats true...for now. But somebody has to pay for ratting us out to da press. Don Jinny always says no one talks to da press but her. So, if dem teachers ain't gonna pay, den da students will."

What does dis, I mean this mean?

"Dis means we may not help out with sports or grads or sometin'. Remember, if da teachers don't obey her, da students will pay!"

This seems rather heavy handed that Jinny and the BCTF would strike out against students.

"You tink so? Well, you ain't seen nuttin' yet. I should tell you about "Operation Don't Sign the Contract On Time So Teachers Do Not Get The Bonus Money and We Can Shut The Schools Down Again In September". Or as we call it, the 'BCTF 2006 Mission Statement'."

But, by you talking to the Poly - are you not going against Jinny's wishes, namely to not speak with the press?

"Oh boy..."

Tests R Stoopid

2006-04-24T07:28:00.000-07:00

Jinny Sims and the BCTF is objecting to the Foundation Skills Assessment (FSA) testing taking place next month because the tests do not follow their Union philosophy.

"That's right, those tests are more wronger than anything", a spokesperson for the BCTF exclaimed. "Nuttin' good can come from them. In fact them things are bad!"

The Province maintains that the tests "...systematically gathers information from a variety of sources to determine the extent to which BC students are achieving the knowledge, skills and understanding prescribed in the provincial curriculum."

However, according to a brochure on the BCTF website, the FSAs have a negative impact on students, teachers, and quite possibly the reason why the Canucks did not make the playoffs. As a consequence, the BCTF want parents to pull their kids from school during the 11 days when the tests are being held.

"Dat's correct", the spokesperson continued. "Just like how Napoleon pulled out of Germany in 1911, we expect parents to pull their kids out of school until we implement our better plan."

A better plan? This is intriguing. If there is a better solution than having tests which confirm student's understanding of content and the effectiveness of teaching then this could be a benefit to all.

"Here's the plan. Instead of grades, performance and ability being indicators, Jinny and her posse want the Union test to be implemented."

What exactly is the "Union test"?

"Seniority! We believe it is a fairer way of doing things and prepares these future donors, er saps, er, I mean Union Members to assimilate, er, I mean integrate into our union cult, er, I mean culture."

What? This plan makes no sense. This means kids born in November or December will always be rated behind the students born in say January or February regardless of actual ability.

"This plan makes sense.", our spokesperson friend concluded. "Look, the Government will never agree with Jinny's awesome plan because they mix like oil and vinegar. When the BCTF meeted for our Annual General Meeting last month in Vancouver, the capital of BC, we came up with this plan. As well, the plan to not sign a new contract by June 30th screwing the teachers out of their $4,000 signing bonus and then shutting down the schools in September was also discusseded."

Well, at least they got the pronunciation of that last word almost correct.

BCTF To Teachers: "We Make More $$$ Than You!"

2006-04-21T06:49:00.000-07:00

This Poly Blog reported over two weeks ago that BCTF President Jinny Sims and her union goons were living the good life at the expense of teachers and putting the province on track to another strike. Over the last few days, the Vancouver Province's political reporter, Michael "Please Don't Steal My Lunch Money" Smyth, in an effort to get into our good graces, has published parts of the BCTF contract.

"If we wanted the teachers to know how much we were screwing them over, we would have told them," a representative of the BCTF shared with us. "In fact, we have used some of the increase in union dues to add security to our document protection system!"

Our boy Smyth decided to make some BCTF contract points public:

- admin staff at Jinny's palace make a starting salary of $80,000 or more than twice the starting wage of a teacher

- after five years this salary jumps to over $99,000 while it takes 11 years for a teacher to hit the top tier of $69,000

- unlimited visits for Jinny's Army for massages, acupuncture and a number of other treatments while teachers top out at 12 visits a year and zero for some of these items

- $500 a year for Viagra

Does this not fly in the face of the BCTF's claims of putting teachers and students first? Certainly having secret benefits not negotiated for the teachers is hypocritical.

"Look, if teachers are stupid enough to become teachers then they do not deserve the benefits of being the elite in the Union.", our cantankerous BCTF contact continued. "How many times do I have to tell you, this is about class size and composition...the class size of Jinny's new Mercedes and the composition of the cash in her bank account."

Our request to the BCTF for copies of the contract have not been answered. As well, five teachers who have contacted this Poly Blog have also noted that the BCTF has not replied to their requests for copies of the BCTF fleece list which is based on the teachers having to pay the highest union dues in Canada.

Our teacher contacts have said they have now lost "complete faith" in their union and believe they have been led astray. Especially with the slap in the face of the free Viagra offered to Jinny's friends.

"The whole Viagra thing should not be a surprise, I mean people call us dicks all the time, and this rubs us the wrong way. Besides, we need a little help screwing people over. For the $85,000 a year I get to wash Jinny's car I do not see the problem."

Rock, Paper Scissors Cruel to Environment?

2006-04-19T07:40:00.000-07:00

Official Opposition Critic for the Environment, Shane "Friar Tuck" Simpson, has announced that he will be proposing a complete ban on the sport of Rock, Paper, Scissors as it is environmentally unsound.

"Makes complete sense", a spokesperson for Simpson told us. "I mean all that senseless destruction of paper by scissors. Not to mention the wasteful amount of paper required to fully cover a rock. This is a despicable game."

A cynical person would say this is waste of time. After all, one just needs to view the World Rock, Paper, Scissors Society website to realize that this is a game where hand gestures mimic the "rock, paper, scissors" forms. No negative impact to our environment whatsoever.

"And that is what is dangerous - creative thinking coupled with imagination", our whiny spokesperson contact continued. "Next people will want viable solutions to problems. How can the NDP compete with that? I'll tell you what's a waste of time, the Libs trying to solve the pine beetle problem, or providing cash for the Okanagan water study, or preventing trees being burned in forest fires. Trees don't vote...TREES DON'T VOTE!!!"

When we pointed out that Environment Minister Barry Penner and the BC Liberals are providing environmental solutions and heading off future problems, not wasting time with "game banning" a breakthrough moment occurred - the spokesperson used a creative hand gesture to indicate the Poly was number one.

NDP Offers Caucus Position to Vaughn Palmer

2006-04-17T09:03:00.000-07:00

We here at the Poly have learned that BC Opposition Party of choice, the NDP, have offered a Caucus position to Vancouver Sun political writer and nude sunbather, Vaughn Palmer. As of press time, Mr. Palmer had not confirmed whether or not he was taking the position. Either way, this offer comes as quite a surprise.

"It really comes as no surprise," our lanky long time Leg insider noted. "If you look at the NDP's questions during Question Period, you will see that it is really just our fine Dippers reading lines from Palmer's writings."

Quite true. A look at Hansard shows that questions on issues all follow what the Palmster wrote in that morning's Vancouver Sun. We could list each item here as an individual point, however in the interest of time and fact checking we ask that you just trust us. Really, all the question topics in February and March - straight from Palmer.

"Well, we do certainly have a history of borrowing when it comes to our writings or polices," noted NDP insider Mr. X confessed. "We have Tricky Dix's memo writing, we stole that from All the President's Men. Then of course Casino Gate Minister, Mikey Farnworth's inspired Fudge-It-Budget was almost number for number just the phone numbers from the personals section in Xtra West Magazine added together in a mish mash of figures. Then of course our election slogan of "Because everyone matters" came from our Union bosses who said the original slogan of "The Unions Have Bought Our Support!" was a little too obvious."

But, why copy from Palmer? Why not just come up with original, hard hitting questions? The X-Man replied, "I mean, coming up with sound, reasonable and workable thoughts is really, really hard. We have no track record of doing this. And besides, the Unions who finance us do not want thoughts and we certainly oblige."

I Am the Manhole

2006-04-14T08:27:00.000-07:00

I appreciate your taking the time to view my humble little organ. My name is Shawn Manhole and this is the Public Sty On Line recap. Giddy up!

A recent psychology journal reported that 97% of political Blogs are written by lonely, bitter 30-something males with low self esteem and an inability of grow facial hair. Take that losers!

Being so totally awesome, I can report that a scandal is about to break out in School District 61. It appears little Billy Hanson at Burnside Community School has been offering bribes as can be seen in this email:

To: Undisclosed List

From: Billy Hanson

Subject: Vote 4 me!!!

Please vote for me and I will be your friend!!!!

Gottcha Billy! Looks like me - Shawn Manhole - has taken down another NPA / BC Liberal / right wing / Christy Clark influenced political wannabe. And to answer your question Mrs. Hanson - Billy's Mom - yes I do feel like a big man by crushing Willy's dreams. Giddy up!

In closing, for a certain someone who likes to judge, perhaps now you will believe me that yes it does happen to most guys and no it's not that weird...so there.

That's it for this week. I hope you have had your fill of the Manhole.

Adrian Dix: "I Wrote the Ten Commandments!"

2006-04-12T03:50:00.000-07:00

As we approach the holiest weekend on the Christian calendar NDP MLA new comer, Adrian Dix has announced that he wrote the Ten Commandments.

A member of the NDP Christian Opposition Critic's office confirmed, "It's true, tricky Dix is the divine force which gave us those totally rad Ten Commandments." This seems odd as traditional Biblical teaches tell us that the Commandments "were written by God and given to Moses on Mount Sinai".

"Not the case at all", our contact squealed. "That's just some right winged crap. Dicky is the true prophet of Clark, er, God."

Adrian worked as the Chief of Staff for disgraced former Premier, patio deck lover and current daily rag President, Glen Clark, during the scandal ridden period of 1996 to 1999...or as the NDP call it, "the good ol' days".

But can Dix be trusted? After all, this is the same Adrian Dix who wrote a fake memo saying Clark had nothing to do with the casino application which took the Glenster down and was then fired from his Government job.

"Of course he can trusted and he DID write the Ten Commandments!", our source continued. "Like any prophet he was denounced by the people of the time, given a $70,000 severance package and then elected into Government. Let's be honest, the only way Dix could have been elected was through devine intervention."

NDP's Own Titanic

2006-04-10T01:43:00.000-07:00

Can you believe that the blockbuster movie Titanic was inspired by the NDP and the fast ferries?

"Yes, it's true", our NDP staffer turned Hollywood insider confessed. "Many folks believe the movie was about the disaster of the Titanic, but we focused on the current-as-it-was-happening disaster of the fast ferries during the 1996 filming!"

The fast ferries were of course one of many failures of the NDP Government in the 1990's which the effects of blowing almost a half billion dollars on non-functioning boats are still felt today.

After a closer look we did notice many similarities to the movie and the fast ferries:

- Titanic cost over $200 million almost double the budget - similar to the ferries which were more than double the budget ending at almost $500 million.

- Bad dialogue in the Titanic "I'm king of the world!" was the cleaned up version of current bench warmer and then Transportation Minister Harry Lali's cry in the House of, "We know what side we're on...we are on the side of organized labour!" (Hansard - April 2, 1997)

- Neither the Titanic nor the fast ferries had a successful voyage.

- And finally, in the end, much of the crew in charge of these disasters were wiped out (see Election of 2001 for more details).

We wanted to hear what Lali and NDP leader Carole James had to say about these interesting comparisons, however they did not return our calls within 10 minutes. So, we returned to our Hollywood friend for a final comment.

"Look, Harry and Carole will tell you that you are focusing on the wrong stuff," our insider scoffed. "If we had not blown that half billion getting our union friends jobs, the Liberal Government would have just used the cash for improvements and that is just NOT the NDP way."

Extreme Makeover: Carole James Edition

2006-04-08T14:37:00.000-07:00

It appears the Keith Baldrey article of a few weeks back praising BC Liberal Carole Taylor while questioning the leadership abilities of NDP head Carole James has really gotten to James. So much so, that the folks from Extreme Makeover have been brought in!

"It's true", our NDP source confirmed, "Carole J needs to make MAJOR changes if she hopes to keep NDP leader in waiting Mike Farnworth off her butt and her party alive."

This may be accurate, but what can the Extreme Makeover team do?

"We have tackled bigger projects but none as challenging as this," the representative from EM proclaimed. So what can we expect? "Well, on the face we have to strip away the tired look. We will be sucking out the fat that has accumulated over the years and frankly try to breathe some life into the dead body."

Yikes! Even for this humble Blog the derogatory remarks about Carole James' face, her fat and dead body are over the top for us! So we have to take issue with the EM spokesperson.

"Negative comments about Carole James?!", the EM rep stammered, "We're talking about the NDP as a whole! I mean, the face the Dippers put forward with their tired policies needs major work. They have been living off the fat of the land for way too long and so far in this Legislative session have been as effective as a stump. If this is not a call for an Extreme Makeover, I don't know what is!"

PIMP My Union

2006-04-05T21:46:00.000-07:00

With nearly 100% of the public contracts now negotiated, it appears all is well in the Province...or is it?

The head of the The British Columbia Teachers' Federation (BCTF) - Jinny Simms - is holding out on their contracts - even going so far as to hold a "strike vote" in the coming weeks for a September walkout claiming the Government will not yield to "class size and composition" modifications.

With 86% of classes having fewer than 30 students; 56% having less then 26 students; and 20% of class with 20 students or less, the "class size argument" does not seem to make sense.

"Yes, we are holding out on the contracts", our BCTF contact confirmed. "But it is ONLY about class size and composition...the class size of Jinny's new Mercedes and the composition of the cash in her bank account...word!"

Surely, Jinny was talking about the number of students in a class room and the composition of learning abilities and not just personal gains.

Our source (pictured with Jinny) scoffed, "Why bother, yo? Jinny ain't no teacher no more. She gots to get paid...and she only gets paid by her ho's, er, teachers bringing in mo' money through bigger paychecks."

With other big unions such as the BCGEU and HEU able to settle their contracts before March 31st and gain up-to $4,000 per member as a signing bonus, why is it the BCTF not willing to negotiate as efficiently?

"Yo...those other unions are punks.", our source continued while waving his arms in the air - waving them in a manner indicating he just does not care. "Sure, they settled their contracts but did they keep kids out of da classroom? No. Did they inconvience familes? No. Did they score big class SL600 Mercedes? No way! It's hard out here for a pimp...and a union leader."

BC Poly News Highlights - Saturday, June 24, 2006

2006-04-01T08:37:00.000-08:00

Bertuzzi traded to Florida
Bertuzzi, Luongo in blockbuster trade

Translink chair has faith in Evergreen Line project's future

Province to build out-patient facility in Surrey

'Unsound' health plans led deputy to resign

Proposed firing clause angers teachers union

BC Liberals Hold 16% Lead Over NDP, Premier Campbell's Popularity at 5-year High
BC POLY BLOG - Ipsos-Reid poll shows BC Liberals popularity rising