Jesus To Gregor: "You Do Not Have A Hope In Hell Of Being Re-Elected!"

Poor NDP MLA Gregor Robertson, the under achieving over achiever. He seems to be the butt of many jokes (including those found here on this intrepid Poly) and this week while walking in his riding, not even Jesus Christ would give him support.

"It was the best thing I saw or heard ever...while sober", our man on the street reported. "Like, Jesus - or at least someone who looked like the Saviour - wanted nothing to do with Gregor. See! Look, I took a photo!"

The photo from our contact's cell phone shows Gregor talking up a storm while Jesus tries walking away, even looking to the heaven's for strength.

"Gregor was all like, 'Jesus you just have to come to my Town Hall Meeting on Monday' and Jesus is all like, 'What will you be discussing?' and Gregor goes, "Dude, I don't know, the unions have not given me the agenda yet.'"

Well, a look at the NDP website as to what Gregor is talking about at the meeting shows that, well, they will be discussing "...the most important issues of our time." Nothing specific, 'cause Gregor does not like to get bogged down in details.

"As Jesus starts picking up the pace," our informer continued, "Gregor says, 'I'd love for you to visit my website. Can you do that for me Jesus? Please?' But Jesus pretended not to hear him, kinda like if Gregor was in a caucus meeting."

Since we here at the Poly enjoy a good website - we were of course disappointed by Gregor's site which has not been updated in about seven months. Since Gregor has not done anything of note in that time, perhaps the site IS up-to-date. Most telling is when you click on "Gregor in the House" it takes you to a page with the bold heading of Not Found. A prophecy of the 2009 Election?

Another on looker reported that Gregor then proudly said, 'Hey Jesus, I think I know one of your prophets. My buddy Adrian Dix did some writing for you. Now THERE'S a man with integrity!"

Our street source continues: "Jesus now is doing like a jog with Gregor in pursuit going all, 'Hey Jesus, I'm kinda thirsty. Maybe you'd like a nice drink from the company I founded? You know, Happy Planet?' then Jesus says, 'You're a Dipper right? So, is Happy Planet unionized?' and Gregor is all like, 'No way Dude, I'm happy to take the union's money and election services but having them work in my company would have totally ruined me!"

Well, if the unions working in his non-union company did not ruin him, the 2004 sex discrimination complaint filed by his former controller against Gregor, Happy Planet and the company President could (may still?) have. This document on the British Columbia Human Rights Tribunal website is fairly self explanatory. While ol' GR tried to have the application dismissed he was as successful as he was asking poignant, original questions in the House this past session.

"Then the most amazing thing happened," our source exclaimed, wide eyed. "Gregor started sobbing and Jesus stopped in his tracks, sighed, and made his way back to our sad MLA. JC says, 'My son, it feels like you have been slapped in the face, does it not?', and Gregor makes this kind of whimpering 'Yes' sound. Jesus then says, you need to remember Matthew 5:38-42 'If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also.'"

From all accounts, Gregor was renewed with a sense of overwhelming confidence and true to the Lord's scripture he turned his head away in an exaggerated manner to show JC that he was taking His words to heart.

"Then Jesus sucker punched him", our source concluded. "Like I said, best thing I ever saw or heard."