Carole's Unions of ODDS

It was quite odd to see NDP Opposition Critic for the Attorney General, Leonard Krog, rise in the House yesterday to demand "campaign financing reform" - especially since he seemed to forget BC NDP Leader Carole James' philosophy: "It is certainly good to have friends. But it is much better to have friends with money" And the NDP do...and how.

You see, Carole James and the NDP try to pass themselves off as sweet, innocent wide eyed optimists - you know, like Dorothy from The Wizard of Oz. But she hangs out with oddly dressed men.

Her friends Jim "the Scarecrow" Sinclair from the magical kingdom of the BC Fed is often found arm-in-arm with George "the Tinman" Heyman of the BCGEU while Jinny "the Cowardly Lion" Sims of BCTF fame comes up the rear.

Just how friendly are these delightful characters? Well, just sit back for this.

According to Elections BC, during the 28 days of the 2005 provincial election, these three unions (BC Fed, BCGEU and BCTF) - along with a few other Toto like friends - allocated over $10 million dollars to get the NDP elected. Never mind that some of the BCGEU activity was deemed illegal by Elections BC or that Jinny's BCTF spent over $5 million of their teachers' money in a failed attempt to get her friends in the NDP back into power. For some context, this is more than DOUBLE what all the other parties spent combined.

Oh! And the above figures do not include other money given or funneled to sweet, innocent Carole as she skipped her way along the yellow brick road to Victoria. You see, money and services given outside those 28 days of the election period or "writ" do not have to be reported. So when the NDP flying monkey army is out there on phone banks, canvassing, breaking into offices, taking money away from nurses or teachers etc. this does not get reported!

Now, when the Unions want to cover their tracks, they form "independent, grassroots organizations" - or as they call 'em, "Good Witches". These groups appear to be good intentioned, until you see that they are run, organized and financed by the Unions with the sole purpose of getting their message out. Makes sense...when your credibility is shot, shout the same rhetoric - "there's no place like the NDP 1990's...there's no place like the NDP 1990's" - using a different name.

Just looking at the Board of Directors of groups like "BC Citizens for Public Power" (featuring our Scarecrow friend who through the BC Fed gave this group a $15,000 "loan", which was not paid back); "BC Health Coalition" (featuring the Scarecrow and the Cowardly Lion); and the "Canadian Centre for Policy Alternatives" who apparently are really, really friendly with the Dippers since the CCPA received over $400,000 in taxpayer money from the NDP between the dark, tornado years of 1993 to 2001, and additional funding from the "Columbia Foundation" whose BOD includes yet again the Scarecrow and the Tinman. Oh! And did we forget to mention that all of these groups share membership lists with each other?

We do not even have time to touch on the fact the it is mandated in the NDP Constitution that Union Leaders MUST sit on the NDP Board of Directors and Union members are given more weight as delegates at Dipper elections.

So, how does our fable end? Well, our Leg operatives tell us that after Mr. Krog's statement in the house yesterday he has a little meeting with Dorothy and her friends sometime this morning. We're guessing that if Mr. Krog is not careful, he will end up like the Wicked Witch of the East...crushed.

Jinny Simprano and the BCTF - a Mob Story

The BCTF has failed in an attempt to shake down four law abiding teachers. In a scene reminiscent of a mob movie or TV series, "Don" Jinny Sims "Simprano" ordered one of her Nicola Valley Teacher Chapter captains - Ralph "Click Here To Email Me" Poynting - to collect payment of salary received when the four teachers crossed the picket lines during the illegal strike in September 2005.

"Yeah, well dose dirty rats will pay," Tony "The Bedwetter" Screwuovery a BCTF capo told us. "Day broke da golden rule, don't cross da boss! Now Jinny's pissed."

So angry in fact, that Jinny and the BCTF family ordered the four teachers be "whacked" - a BCTF term for being declared "members in bad standing".

"Dats right! We took away one of da greatest privileges in life - the ability to vote at union meetings or buy dare way up the union ladder during our gatherings...or as we call 'em, "elections"."

This must mean that these four brave, law abiding teachers no longer have to pay dues, right?

"No way!", Screwuovery exclaimed. "All teachers get taxed by da Boss - or as yous call it "dues". Dez dues are paid to Jinny out of fear...er, respect so we can fund slanderous third party campaign advertising, pay fines for illegal strikes or complete Jinny's Mercedes class size and bank account composition requirements. Dis is a good ting."

However, this plan did not work. Reports in publications, but namely this Poly Blog, has shone a bright light on the questionable activities of the BCTF. As such, Jinny and her goons had to back down from their demands.

"Dats true...for now. But somebody has to pay for ratting us out to da press. Don Jinny always says no one talks to da press but her. So, if dem teachers ain't gonna pay, den da students will."

What does dis, I mean this mean?

"Dis means we may not help out with sports or grads or sometin'. Remember, if da teachers don't obey her, da students will pay!"

This seems rather heavy handed that Jinny and the BCTF would strike out against students.

"You tink so? Well, you ain't seen nuttin' yet. I should tell you about "Operation Don't Sign the Contract On Time So Teachers Do Not Get The Bonus Money and We Can Shut The Schools Down Again In September". Or as we call it, the 'BCTF 2006 Mission Statement'."

But, by you talking to the Poly - are you not going against Jinny's wishes, namely to not speak with the press?

"Oh boy..."

Tests R Stoopid

Jinny Sims and the BCTF is objecting to the Foundation Skills Assessment (FSA) testing taking place next month because the tests do not follow their Union philosophy.

"That's right, those tests are more wronger than anything", a spokesperson for the BCTF exclaimed. "Nuttin' good can come from them. In fact them things are bad!"

The Province maintains that the tests "...systematically gathers information from a variety of sources to determine the extent to which BC students are achieving the knowledge, skills and understanding prescribed in the provincial curriculum."

However, according to a brochure on the BCTF website, the FSAs have a negative impact on students, teachers, and quite possibly the reason why the Canucks did not make the playoffs. As a consequence, the BCTF want parents to pull their kids from school during the 11 days when the tests are being held.

"Dat's correct", the spokesperson continued. "Just like how Napoleon pulled out of Germany in 1911, we expect parents to pull their kids out of school until we implement our better plan."

A better plan? This is intriguing. If there is a better solution than having tests which confirm student's understanding of content and the effectiveness of teaching then this could be a benefit to all.

"Here's the plan. Instead of grades, performance and ability being indicators, Jinny and her posse want the Union test to be implemented."

What exactly is the "Union test"?

"Seniority! We believe it is a fairer way of doing things and prepares these future donors, er saps, er, I mean Union Members to assimilate, er, I mean integrate into our union cult, er, I mean culture."

What? This plan makes no sense. This means kids born in November or December will always be rated behind the students born in say January or February regardless of actual ability.

"This plan makes sense.", our spokesperson friend concluded. "Look, the Government will never agree with Jinny's awesome plan because they mix like oil and vinegar. When the BCTF meeted for our Annual General Meeting last month in Vancouver, the capital of BC, we came up with this plan. As well, the plan to not sign a new contract by June 30th screwing the teachers out of their $4,000 signing bonus and then shutting down the schools in September was also discusseded."

Well, at least they got the pronunciation of that last word almost correct.

BCTF To Teachers: "We Make More $$$ Than You!"

This Poly Blog reported over two weeks ago that BCTF President Jinny Sims and her union goons were living the good life at the expense of teachers and putting the province on track to another strike. Over the last few days, the Vancouver Province's political reporter, Michael "Please Don't Steal My Lunch Money" Smyth, in an effort to get into our good graces, has published parts of the BCTF contract.

"If we wanted the teachers to know how much we were screwing them over, we would have told them," a representative of the BCTF shared with us. "In fact, we have used some of the increase in union dues to add security to our document protection system!"

Our boy Smyth decided to make some BCTF contract points public:

- admin staff at Jinny's palace make a starting salary of $80,000 or more than twice the starting wage of a teacher

- after five years this salary jumps to over $99,000 while it takes 11 years for a teacher to hit the top tier of $69,000

- unlimited visits for Jinny's Army for massages, acupuncture and a number of other treatments while teachers top out at 12 visits a year and zero for some of these items

- $500 a year for Viagra

Does this not fly in the face of the BCTF's claims of putting teachers and students first? Certainly having secret benefits not negotiated for the teachers is hypocritical.

"Look, if teachers are stupid enough to become teachers then they do not deserve the benefits of being the elite in the Union.", our cantankerous BCTF contact continued. "How many times do I have to tell you, this is about class size and composition...the class size of Jinny's new Mercedes and the composition of the cash in her bank account."

Our request to the BCTF for copies of the contract have not been answered. As well, five teachers who have contacted this Poly Blog have also noted that the BCTF has not replied to their requests for copies of the BCTF fleece list which is based on the teachers having to pay the highest union dues in Canada.

Our teacher contacts have said they have now lost "complete faith" in their union and believe they have been led astray. Especially with the slap in the face of the free Viagra offered to Jinny's friends.

"The whole Viagra thing should not be a surprise, I mean people call us dicks all the time, and this rubs us the wrong way. Besides, we need a little help screwing people over. For the $85,000 a year I get to wash Jinny's car I do not see the problem."

Rock, Paper Scissors Cruel to Environment?

Official Opposition Critic for the Environment, Shane "Friar Tuck" Simpson, has announced that he will be proposing a complete ban on the sport of Rock, Paper, Scissors as it is environmentally unsound.

"Makes complete sense", a spokesperson for Simpson told us. "I mean all that senseless destruction of paper by scissors. Not to mention the wasteful amount of paper required to fully cover a rock. This is a despicable game."

A cynical person would say this is waste of time. After all, one just needs to view the World Rock, Paper, Scissors Society website to realize that this is a game where hand gestures mimic the "rock, paper, scissors" forms. No negative impact to our environment whatsoever.

"And that is what is dangerous - creative thinking coupled with imagination", our whiny spokesperson contact continued. "Next people will want viable solutions to problems. How can the NDP compete with that? I'll tell you what's a waste of time, the Libs trying to solve the pine beetle problem, or providing cash for the Okanagan water study, or preventing trees being burned in forest fires. Trees don't vote...TREES DON'T VOTE!!!"

When we pointed out that Environment Minister Barry Penner and the BC Liberals are providing environmental solutions and heading off future problems, not wasting time with "game banning" a breakthrough moment occurred - the spokesperson used a creative hand gesture to indicate the Poly was number one.

NDP Offers Caucus Position to Vaughn Palmer

We here at the Poly have learned that BC Opposition Party of choice, the NDP, have offered a Caucus position to Vancouver Sun political writer and nude sunbather, Vaughn Palmer. As of press time, Mr. Palmer had not confirmed whether or not he was taking the position. Either way, this offer comes as quite a surprise.

"It really comes as no surprise," our lanky long time Leg insider noted. "If you look at the NDP's questions during Question Period, you will see that it is really just our fine Dippers reading lines from Palmer's writings."

Quite true. A look at Hansard shows that questions on issues all follow what the Palmster wrote in that morning's Vancouver Sun. We could list each item here as an individual point, however in the interest of time and fact checking we ask that you just trust us. Really, all the question topics in February and March - straight from Palmer.

"Well, we do certainly have a history of borrowing when it comes to our writings or polices," noted NDP insider Mr. X confessed. "We have Tricky Dix's memo writing, we stole that from All the President's Men. Then of course Casino Gate Minister, Mikey Farnworth's inspired Fudge-It-Budget was almost number for number just the phone numbers from the personals section in Xtra West Magazine added together in a mish mash of figures. Then of course our election slogan of "Because everyone matters" came from our Union bosses who said the original slogan of "The Unions Have Bought Our Support!" was a little too obvious."

But, why copy from Palmer? Why not just come up with original, hard hitting questions? The X-Man replied, "I mean, coming up with sound, reasonable and workable thoughts is really, really hard. We have no track record of doing this. And besides, the Unions who finance us do not want thoughts and we certainly oblige."

I Am the Manhole

I appreciate your taking the time to view my humble little organ. My name is Shawn Manhole and this is the Public Sty On Line recap. Giddy up!

A recent psychology journal reported that 97% of political Blogs are written by lonely, bitter 30-something males with low self esteem and an inability of grow facial hair. Take that losers!

Being so totally awesome, I can report that a scandal is about to break out in School District 61. It appears little Billy Hanson at Burnside Community School has been offering bribes as can be seen in this email:

To: Undisclosed List

From: Billy Hanson

Subject: Vote 4 me!!!

Please vote for me and I will be your friend!!!!

Gottcha Billy! Looks like me - Shawn Manhole - has taken down another NPA / BC Liberal / right wing / Christy Clark influenced political wannabe. And to answer your question Mrs. Hanson - Billy's Mom - yes I do feel like a big man by crushing Willy's dreams. Giddy up!

In closing, for a certain someone who likes to judge, perhaps now you will believe me that yes it does happen to most guys and no it's not that weird...so there.

That's it for this week. I hope you have had your fill of the Manhole.

Adrian Dix: "I Wrote the Ten Commandments!"

As we approach the holiest weekend on the Christian calendar NDP MLA new comer, Adrian Dix has announced that he wrote the Ten Commandments.

A member of the NDP Christian Opposition Critic's office confirmed, "It's true, tricky Dix is the divine force which gave us those totally rad Ten Commandments." This seems odd as traditional Biblical teaches tell us that the Commandments "were written by God and given to Moses on Mount Sinai".

"Not the case at all", our contact squealed. "That's just some right winged crap. Dicky is the true prophet of Clark, er, God."

Adrian worked as the Chief of Staff for disgraced former Premier, patio deck lover and current daily rag President, Glen Clark, during the scandal ridden period of 1996 to 1999...or as the NDP call it, "the good ol' days".

But can Dix be trusted? After all, this is the same Adrian Dix who wrote a fake memo saying Clark had nothing to do with the casino application which took the Glenster down and was then fired from his Government job.

"Of course he can trusted and he DID write the Ten Commandments!", our source continued. "Like any prophet he was denounced by the people of the time, given a $70,000 severance package and then elected into Government. Let's be honest, the only way Dix could have been elected was through devine intervention."

NDP's Own Titanic

Can you believe that the blockbuster movie Titanic was inspired by the NDP and the fast ferries?

"Yes, it's true", our NDP staffer turned Hollywood insider confessed. "Many folks believe the movie was about the disaster of the Titanic, but we focused on the current-as-it-was-happening disaster of the fast ferries during the 1996 filming!"

The fast ferries were of course one of many failures of the NDP Government in the 1990's which the effects of blowing almost a half billion dollars on non-functioning boats are still felt today.

After a closer look we did notice many similarities to the movie and the fast ferries:

- Titanic cost over $200 million almost double the budget - similar to the ferries which were more than double the budget ending at almost $500 million.

- Bad dialogue in the Titanic "I'm king of the world!" was the cleaned up version of current bench warmer and then Transportation Minister Harry Lali's cry in the House of, "We know what side we're on...we are on the side of organized labour!" (Hansard - April 2, 1997)

- Neither the Titanic nor the fast ferries had a successful voyage.

- And finally, in the end, much of the crew in charge of these disasters were wiped out (see Election of 2001 for more details).

We wanted to hear what Lali and NDP leader Carole James had to say about these interesting comparisons, however they did not return our calls within 10 minutes. So, we returned to our Hollywood friend for a final comment.

"Look, Harry and Carole will tell you that you are focusing on the wrong stuff," our insider scoffed. "If we had not blown that half billion getting our union friends jobs, the Liberal Government would have just used the cash for improvements and that is just NOT the NDP way."

Extreme Makeover: Carole James Edition

It appears the Keith Baldrey article of a few weeks back praising BC Liberal Carole Taylor while questioning the leadership abilities of NDP head Carole James has really gotten to James. So much so, that the folks from Extreme Makeover have been brought in!

"It's true", our NDP source confirmed, "Carole J needs to make MAJOR changes if she hopes to keep NDP leader in waiting Mike Farnworth off her butt and her party alive."

This may be accurate, but what can the Extreme Makeover team do?

"We have tackled bigger projects but none as challenging as this," the representative from EM proclaimed. So what can we expect? "Well, on the face we have to strip away the tired look. We will be sucking out the fat that has accumulated over the years and frankly try to breathe some life into the dead body."

Yikes! Even for this humble Blog the derogatory remarks about Carole James' face, her fat and dead body are over the top for us! So we have to take issue with the EM spokesperson.

"Negative comments about Carole James?!", the EM rep stammered, "We're talking about the NDP as a whole! I mean, the face the Dippers put forward with their tired policies needs major work. They have been living off the fat of the land for way too long and so far in this Legislative session have been as effective as a stump. If this is not a call for an Extreme Makeover, I don't know what is!"

PIMP My Union

With nearly 100% of the public contracts now negotiated, it appears all is well in the Province...or is it?

The head of the The British Columbia Teachers' Federation (BCTF) - Jinny Simms - is holding out on their contracts - even going so far as to hold a "strike vote" in the coming weeks for a September walkout claiming the Government will not yield to "class size and composition" modifications.

With 86% of classes having fewer than 30 students; 56% having less then 26 students; and 20% of class with 20 students or less, the "class size argument" does not seem to make sense.

"Yes, we are holding out on the contracts", our BCTF contact confirmed. "But it is ONLY about class size and composition...the class size of Jinny's new Mercedes and the composition of the cash in her bank account...word!"

Surely, Jinny was talking about the number of students in a class room and the composition of learning abilities and not just personal gains.

Our source (pictured with Jinny) scoffed, "Why bother, yo? Jinny ain't no teacher no more. She gots to get paid...and she only gets paid by her ho's, er, teachers bringing in mo' money through bigger paychecks."

With other big unions such as the BCGEU and HEU able to settle their contracts before March 31st and gain up-to $4,000 per member as a signing bonus, why is it the BCTF not willing to negotiate as efficiently?

"Yo...those other unions are punks.", our source continued while waving his arms in the air - waving them in a manner indicating he just does not care. "Sure, they settled their contracts but did they keep kids out of da classroom? No. Did they inconvience familes? No. Did they score big class SL600 Mercedes? No way! It's hard out here for a pimp...and a union leader."

BC Poly News Highlights - Saturday, June 24, 2006

Bertuzzi traded to Florida
Bertuzzi, Luongo in blockbuster trade

Translink chair has faith in Evergreen Line project's future

Province to build out-patient facility in Surrey

'Unsound' health plans led deputy to resign

Proposed firing clause angers teachers union

BC Liberals Hold 16% Lead Over NDP, Premier Campbell's Popularity at 5-year High
BC POLY BLOG - Ipsos-Reid poll shows BC Liberals popularity rising